Minions #54 - Troubled Waters

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A poisoned candygram from Minion Central:

Greetings, Minions and Wimmons,


Hey, is that a bridge over something? Not water, actually. Didn't use a drop in making this week's cartoon. No, it's not heavy photoshop either (though I did some touch-up). It's magic, baby! Love that magic!

Enough talk. Busy. Deadlines. Must go. Next week. Bye.

- JSY

Minions #53 - Things Change

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A Missive from your friendly Overlord:

Greetings, Maxi-Minions,

What can I say about this week's cartoon. Sometimes, a plan just comes together. Sometimes we have a prop in search of a punch-line. Sometimes we have a punch-line in search of a prop. But in this case, we had a punch-line, and the prop practically built itself and homed in on the punch-line like a joke-seeking missile. (What a fiendish plan. We've got to work on that!)

I remind you that that the new anthology "If I Were an Evil Overlord" is not available in your favorite store or bookseller. You'll find the link to the right to buy it from BarnesandNobel.com, but if you're the type who prefers to buy through Amazon, use this link. And stay tuned following my usual ramblings for an excerpt from my story in said book, titled "Gordie Culligan vs. Dr. Longbeach and the HVAC of Doom."

Beyond that the usual. Spread the word. Blah, blah. Buy the shirts. Blah, blah. Join the reminder list. Blah, blah. And if you check the sidebar, you'll see that, in another desperate attempt to make this evil venture profitable (or at least, not so much of a money pit) I'm experiment with "Google Adsense" advertising. Check it out, and if you should choose to click through to visit our sponsors, some billionth of a cent will be sent in my direction.

Keep in mind, I have no control or idea what ads will appear on the site. Supposedly, they'll be automatically chosen to tie into the content of our humble site. Given what we do here, it may be highly entertaining (and possibly frightening) to see what sorts of ads will appear as the robots zero in on us. (Which is a good evil plan. I've got to work on that!)

This is just an experiment, and as always, your input is welcome. Feel free to drop a comment on the site or send me an email.

And now, onto an excerpt from my story in "If I Were an Evil Overlord." Keep in mind, this excerpt is taken from my unedited manuscript, not the final book copy. Any typos or errors are caused entirely by the internet... Okay, I might have had something to do with it too.

---

I tell you, when I answered that ad in the back of Popular Mechanics long ago, I didn’t know what I was getting myself into. Sure, I expected steady work, good pay, excellent benefits, and the respect and admiration of my friends and family. That goes without saying.
But I never expected the intrigue, the danger, the adventure!

My name is Gordie Culligan, and I’m the man from HVAC. That’s Heating, Ventilation and Air-Conditioning to you. God, I love the smell of a fried starter-capacitor in morning!

It was a day like any other day in the Los Angeles basin, but I felt something in the air. Possibly it was the unusual number of ominous, glowing, saucer-shaped clouds moving against the wind, or the swarms of atomic, robot bats flapping their way east over Burbank, or the unusual number of electric dirigibles, blue arcs of lighting crackling between their protruding electrodes, that circled over the San Diego freeway. Maybe it was just the greenish tinge to the smog. But I knew something was up.

Now sure, I know if you don’t live in LA, you’d consider any one of those things cause for alarm, but that’s why you live where you live, and I live in the greatest city in the world.

Sure, it was a little startling at first, but this is LA, baby! You live here for a while, you see things like this every day, and nothing ever, ever comes of it, you just start to take it for granted. Sure, there are giant robots in Tarzana and giant beetles in Griffith Park, but when you’ve had Conan for a governor, nothing is that strange any more.

By now, you’re probably saying, “Gordie, this is all very interesting and all, but what about the air-conditioning?” See it all ties in, and until recently, I didn’t know that. You see all those crazy things, and you take it for granted that nothing ever happens. By you know why nothing ever happens?

Because of guys like me, that’s why. HVAC saves the world, baby! That’s what this town is about!

(Continued in "If I Were an Evil Overlord.")

---

Now get to the bookstore! Dang, I'm evil.

See you next week.

-Steve, Overlord in residence

Minions #52 - Immigrant labor

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Notes from the Minion Master:

Greetings Minionoids,

Advice of the day: Be careful what you wish for...


Brag of the day: Remember a while back when we gave away a signed copy of my wife Chris' ALIAS tie-in novel, A Touch of Death? Well, it's a nominee for the 2006 IAMTW Scribe Awards, in the catagory of
Best Young Adult Novel (All Genres), which will be awarded at this year's San Diego Comicon. Big congrats to Chris!.

Just a reminder, if you order a Minions shirt or other item, be sure to send us your pictures of you wearing or using your items. We'll post them here on the site. Just to get you rolling, here are a couple shots of our model Zoe. (our kinda, sorta, almost granddaughter who we're crazy about. Familial relationships are complicated in the 21st century.)

She's wearing our "Infant/Toddler Evil Nature T-Shirt." I'm promised some pictures from the back, eventually, which reads (of course) "Evil is not my nature. Evil is just my day job." At only $9.99, it's a great conversation piece, and will give your toddler the fear and respect they deserve. Why have rug-rats, when you can have little Minions?

I've also had some requests for new items. First of all, Black shirts. Yes, I want these too, but I have to redo my art for the new shirts, and just haven't gotten around to it yet. Soon. When I do, maybe I'll also do some red shirts. Mainly around here, we're about the black and the white, but red-shirts are kind of Minions of good. You know what happens to red-shirts don't you?


Also, I had a (gulp!) request for a Minions thong. Well, okay, we try to please. I've just added an "evil nature" thong to the store, at least on a trial basis. Okay, if you send me thong pictures, we are not posting them on the site!

But since I want to be sure the store is considered family/office friendly, maybe I'll start up a separate shop for undies and such at some point. "Number 2's House of Naughty" has a nice ring to it.

Well, that's all for this week. As always, share with your friends, and never let the Overlords catch you napping...

- Steve, Minion Underlord.

Minions #51 - Frequent Flier

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I Can Make You Famous!
Well, for about 15 seconds anyway, which according to Andy Warhol, gives you a remaining lifetime quota of 14 minutes and 45 seconds to save for a rainy day. After all, why blow it all at once by, say, getting out of a limousine without any underwear? Make it last! Simply buy a Minions shirt from our Lair of Merchandise today, and send us a picture of you (or your child, or your dog, or your killer cyborg from the future) wearing it, and we'll post it here for your fellow Minions Lovers to enjoy. Or better yet, buy a shirt once a year, send us a new picture, and enjoy fame through (if not throughout) the next 60 years! Such a deal! (Disclaimer: We reserve the right to edit or exclude pictures in such bad taste that even we won't touch them, or that or unsuitable for family viewing. Not to say that we won't keep our own private gallery here at the lair, mind you. We're evil, darn it!)


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*Actually, the penguin always gets it, usually well before we do. He's got an IQ of 210 after all...

Notes from the Minion Master:
Still buried here at Minions Central. Our bathroom remodel, which was supposed to take place in two stages weeks apart all happened at once, as our tile guy had a hole open up in his schedule. Also, my first day of jury-duty Thursday (no, they didn't actually put me on a jury). So the bad news is a week of work-disaster for this privacy-craving ("...who dares enter the lair of Doctor Anti-social!") Overlord. Good news is, I still managed to come up with a new Minions at Work in the ta-da nick of time. (And you thought only the good-guys could manage that!)

Minions #50 - Great Expectations

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*Actually, the penguin always gets it, usually well before we do. He's got an IQ of 210 after all...

Notes from the Minion Master:

As I said last week, nothing too special for Minions #50, but not too shabby either.

Note also the new picture of me in the sidebar, taken last weekend at Radcon, when I was in full-on Evil Overlord mode. Thanks to my friend, writer Rob Vagle for the photo, and Jay Lake for loan of the helmet. Note my wife Chris at left, and her bemused, long-suffering expression. She's been putting up with this for decades, folks...

We're still in both remodeling and deadline (Star Trek) hell at the moment, and I start jury duty in about a week, so no promises on what you'll get in coming weeks. But I'll come up with something. I always do.

- Steve, the horned one...

Minions #49 - Black Thumb

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Notes from the Minion Master:
As I type this, we're finishing up our weekend at Radcon in Pasco, Washington. We had a good time visiting with fans and friends old and new, signing a few books, and modeling our new Minions at Work tee shirts. We're on our way home in a few hours, but it's a long drive, so I'm cutting the Minions loose a little early.

If you'll check the sidebar, you'll find a few fun changes.

First, a popular features on my newsgroup over on sff.net was my periodic postings of "good names for rock bands." I freely admit cribbing this idea from the wonderful novelist, writer, and humorist Dave Barry. After he started using the concept in his columns as a running joke, I couldn't help start noticing those odd combinations of words that come up in writing, conversation, or that I overhear in public places, that simply beg to be rock bands.

Now I'm moving the feature here where more people will see it. I try to make note of them, and record them for posterity. I'll update the list now and then whenever new names drop out of the ether.

You also note that the quotes from Number One and Number 2 have been changed. I'll try to change them now and then to keep things fresh and provide you with a new source of amusement, so keep watching.

- Steve, Minion Master

Minions #48 - Old story: Boy meets girl...

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About this week's comic: Well, I almost chickened out on this one. Not only is the punch-line pretty edgy, but of the three previewers I showed it to, two thought it was very funny, and the third thought my Minion was a guy, throwing a whole unintended spin on things. Not that I might not go there if that was the point of a good joke, but it wasn't...

I put it aside to consider pulling it or doing a reshoot. I also ran it past my homies on the "Minions Reminder List," and when the was overwhelmingly positive, I just posted it with a title that I hope clarifies all -- uh -- dangling gender issues. Just to be triple-clear, this Minion 67, our new female Minion. Really.

Anyway, it seems appropriate that I held this little romance back closer to Valentine's day anyway. Hope you like it. Hope you're still speaking to me. I do value all your opinions, so if you think things are funny, not funny, offensive, edgy, too edgy, not edgy enough, let me know. This isn't a democracy by any means, but I do listen and value your opinions.

And remember, as always, this is a parody, and all celebrity action figures are impersonated. No super-heroes were harmed in the shooting of this cartoon. (Whoops, I said "shoot" again!)

Next weekend Chris and I will be at the Radcon science fiction/gaming convention in Pasco, Washington, signing books, participating in panel programming, and generally trying to seduce some new folks to join us in the Minion way. The panel for next week is all but done, so barring technical difficulties on the road it should appear Monday (or perhaps even a little earlier).

One thing that does have me concerned, is that Blogger's little housekeeping robots flagged my other two blogs, Multiplex of the Mind (devoted to writing and other serious stuff) and One-Sixth (my hobby blog mainly aimed at fellow collectors of 1/6th action figures, rather than the general public) as "spam blogs." They locked the blogs so that I couldn't add new posts.

This shouldn't be a major point of concern. Somehow something about my blogs was tagged by the robots for the "no-fly" list. But supposedly all I needed to do was email them (done) and a real human would drop by to verify my non-blog status and allow me to post again. But this could take four business days. It hasn't happened here, but I can't say for sure that it won't. If we did get flagged, in theory we shouldn't be off-line more than the afore-mentioned four working days.

Minions #47 - Back to the Future

(Stay tuned following our usual reminders for some additional important information about today's cartoon.)



Announcing (for those who didn't catch it already) our new URL! You'll now find your weekly Minions fix at www.MinionsAtWork.com! The old addresses will continue to be forwarded, but the new address is easier to remember so you can more easily check Minions at Work on the go, or pass it to your friends.

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About this week's comic:

Have a feeling of deja vu? Don't be alarmed. It's a common feeling for time-travelers.

Actually, this is a fill-in comic, as the one I'd had planned to post this week was held back for further scrutiny. Yeah, I knew I was pushing the "bad-taste" meter on this one, but one person I showed it to interpreted it in an unexpected way that was not intended, and which took it into way more controversial territory. So I have to figure out if I should just release it, scrap it, or put it out with a disclaimer to make sure nobody gets the wrong idea. I'm leaning towards the latter (and that's probably what I'll do), but I wanted at least a few more days to mull it over, and maybe run it past another pair of eyes or two. So I pulled this one out of the drawer instead.

Speaking of Time Travel
No, you did not miss Minions at Work #46. I realized after posting last week's cartoon (#45) that I'd screwed up the numbering. There were two posts previously made as #42 (I was probably confused by the "bonus" posting of #43) so I'm skipping a number to bring things back into order.

So, you did not miss #46. There is no #46! Or rather, #45 was #46. Confused? That's part of our plan! We're evil, darn it!

- Steve, Master of Evil plans, if not numbers.

WWW.MINIONSATWORK.COM!

I've just bought the Minions their own domain. That means our new official address is "www.MinionsAtWork.com." You shouldn't notice any changes (we're still being hosted by Blogger), and the old address will be forwarded, so all your old links will continue to work just fine. The only difference is that our new address will be easier to remember. Now you can more easily check Minions at Work no matter where you are, home, the road, work, the library, whatever you happen to be near a computer, and it's that much easier to share Minions with your friends.

Shortly, I'll likely be updating the Cafe Press designs to include the new URL as well.

Minions #45 - Uncivil Disobedience

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Notes from the Hall of Injustice
This is the most Minions you've ever seen at once. It's not all the minions. I think I have two more on standby, but pretty much every established Minion is here.

The "Hall of Justice" is a nod to the watered-down 70s cartoon version of "The Justice League of America" called "Superfriends" The Hall of Justice was their headquarters. Of course "Hall of Justice" is also the name in many localities for the courthouse or police headquarters, but our intention is more in the super-hero direction this time.

This is also the first ever Minions cartoon without a caption. It just didn't seem to need it, especially if you pay close attention to those signs.


And just to be clear, they guy on the bus bench isn't intended to be Richard Marchinko. It's another guest appearance by my "mini-me." I've really got to put some more gray in his beard one of these days.

Still Looking for Links
There's a new "Thanks for the Link" feature that we'd like to point out. We need to get out word about "Minions at Work" to the world a large. If you have a blog or web page, we'd really appreciate a link, either in a post, or on your permanent favorite links list. Tell us about it, and we'll link your blog or page back to our "Thanks for the Link" section. We'll keep the latest ten or twenty on the list, depending on how much response we get.

Minions #44 - Off the Beam

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Our New Look (and a call for links)

As you can see, we're making lots of cosmetic changes here. We've added direct links to buy my books, we have links for the Minions store, and there's a new "Thanks for the Link" feature that we'd like to point out. We need to get out word about "Minions at Work" to the world a large. If you have a blog or web page, we'd really appreciate a link, either in a post, or on your permanent favorite links list. Tell us about it, and we'll link your blog or page back to our "Thanks for the Link" section. We'll keep the latest ten or twenty on the list, depending on how much response we get.

About Those Shirts

We ordered some samples from our new Cafe Press shop and they came in this week. I got an "Exploding Silo" tee for myself, a "Evil Nature" ringer tee for Chris, and a toddler "Evil Nature" tee that is a hit with everybody we've showed it to. Chris and I will be modeling our tees at Radcon, and the toddler tee will be mailed off to a very special young model. Hopefully I'll have pictures to share here pretty soon.

So far, I've very pleased with the quality of the merchandise and the level of service. Things were sent promptly, communication was excellent, and we got a UPS tracking number to follow our package across country. Plus, the shirts look great. I really should include the URL here in the design though, so I'll be making changes down the road. Hey, these early-design shirts could turn out to be valuable collectors items (yeah, right), so get them while they last.

Personal appearance update:

Chris and I are (weather permitting) scheduled to appear at the Radcon Gaming and Science Fiction convention, Feb. 16-18 in Pasco, Washington. Many other cool people there, including science fiction legend Larry Niven, authors (and definitely cool people) John Dalmas and Jay Lake, and science fiction artist Bill Warren (I've got several of his pieces in my personal collection).

It should be great fun based on our experience last year. If you're in the northwest, I encourage you to drop by and say hi.

Update

We're now running on Blogger 2. I've had to update the template that controls how things look, so I've made a few changes. I've added links to the sidebar for the Lair of Merchandise, and so you can purchase some of our recent books from other on-line vendors. I've also added some now graphics over there.

Please let me know if you have comments, complaints, or if you notice any glitches in the translation.

Thanks,

- Steve, Format Overlord

Minions #42 - Briefing, Plus Bonus #43!

Be sure to check the end of the post for a special bonus Minions at Work, in honor of the new season of 24. (Which is, of course, 42 backwards.)



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Bonus Minons!



(Okay, I'll confess here, that I've never actually watched 24, though it comes highly recommended. In fact, I still have the season one boxed set in shrink wrap, waiting for a seriously dead week (I've been warned not to start it unless I'm ready to finish it, soonest...)

A better link for the Cafe Press shop

When I tried looking at Minions at Work from my laptop in an effort to order some of my own shirts (two for Chris and I to wear to an upcoming science fiction convention, and one to send to the granddaughter) I couldn't see the banners with the links! Seems something (probably Norton) was blocking them as banner ads. So here's another try. Link to the shop here.

And here's the plain text link, that ANYBODY should be able to cut and paste into their browser.

I'm going to be updating the Template that controls the appearance of Minions at Work in the next day or so. It may cause some minor glitches in the short term, but it will allow me to use new Blogger tools which make changing things (like adding a link to the shop into the sidebar) much easier. So if you check in and things look funny, don't panic. Post a comment (preferably to this post) to let me know what's happening and I'll get it fixed.

Thanks!

-Steve, Evil Overlord of Templates

Minions #42 - Out There

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Notes from the Minion Master:

Remember, if your shirt is not red, you will live forever. Okay, maybe not forever, but at least you won't get all the salt sucked out of your body by a rubber monster before the first commercial.

By now, you must be asking yourself, "oh, wise Minion Master, where can I possibly find a shirt that is not red?" Funny you should ask...


Introducing (in case you didn't already read our mid-week post announcing it) the brand new, long-in-the-works-but-not-released-until-now Minions at Work Lair of Merchandise! Because nobody demanded it, we've set up a Cafe Press shop with a whole range of Minions goodies, from hats and tee-shirts, to office accessories, to a Minions teddy-bear. Pretty much nothing is beneath us if it will make us a buck or two. (And that's about all it will make us, but every little bit help offset the ongoing expense of bringing you Minions at Work every week. Of course, you could also just buy a pile of our books. I wouldn't complain.) Maybe my favorite item: A "Walking the dinosaur" dog tee-shirt, based on Minions #17.

The designs are still in flux, so we appreciate your ideas and comments.

To start shopping, just click on the logo below...

All our shirts are guaranteed not to be red. We make no promises though, if you wear one of our Minions shirts and start calling yourself "Number 13." That's your call.

And what if you're the kind of lazy, cheap, no-good mooch who just reads Minions at Work every week and does nothing at all to support it, not even inflicting it upon their friends? Well, actually we're kinda good with that. It is, after all, evil, and that's where we're coming from...

- Steve, Minion Master

Buy Minions Gear!

Now, just too-late for Christmas, the brand new, long-in-the-works-but-not-released-until-now Minions at Work Lair of Merchandise! Because nobody demanded it, we've set up a Cafe Press shop with a whole range of Minions goodies, from hats and tee-shirts, to office accessories, to a Minions teddy-bear. Pretty much nothing is beneath us if it will make us a buck or two (and that's about all it will make us). Though sorry, no "Weapons of Moderate Destruction" are currently offered. Maybe my favorite item: A "Walking the dinosaur" dog tee-shirt, based on Minions #17.

The designs are still in flux, so we appreciate your ideas and comments.

To start shopping, just click on the logo below...

Minions #41 - Don't Look Now

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Notes from the Minion Master:
Happy New Year to all of you out in Minion-land.

A big Minion-welcome to Doctor Coldblood, the first of our Evil Overlords to make an on-screen appearance. Coldblood's evil plan is to use his artificial volcanic lair to spew greenhouse gases into the atmosphere, thus creating a greenhouse effect that will heat the Earth back to what he considers dinosaur-friendly temperatures. Of course, his volcano is still years from completion, and Doctor Coldblood doesn't get out much. He's going to be so cheesed off when he finally reads a newspaper or turns on the Discovery Channel.

We'll be seeing more of him, and some of the other Evil Overlords, as time goes on.

-Steve, Minion Master

Minions #40 - Seasonal Work

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Happy holidays to you folks, whatever flavor you may chose to celebrate (even if it's only "Annual Go to an Uncrowded Movie Day"), and our best Minions wishes to you and yours.

Well, come heck or high-water, we managed to pull our special Christmas Minions at Work off. Yet another storm is blowing through, and the lights have been flickering, but if I can just send this post before the pow

CLICK

Minions #39 - Dancing in the Dark

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A Status Report from the Lair:

This could have easily been the week without Minions. While things have been quiet with the Gulf-coast's hurricane season, the global-warming demons seem to have moved over to the Pacific, where we're seeing our worst storms in over a decade. Last week, Minions Studios was lashed by 90+ MPH winds, cut from civilization by closed roads, and plunged into darkness and cold for seemingly endless days.

Well, the lights are back on here at the Lair, but just barely, and I wouldn't call things "back to abnormal" by a long-shot. We've got power, but many of our friends and neighbors don't. (One friend still has four 40 foot trees down across his driveway, and all his utility lines, plus his vehicle is trapped behind those trees. Of course, the trees could have landed ON his truck, or his house, so it could be worse.)

Obviously, Minions hasn't been foremost on my mind, the technology on which the Lair depends has mostly been down, and the inventory was looking pretty thin. But sitting here, trapped in the cold and the dark, you learn things. You learn to hang in there. You learn to make do with whatever resources you have. And there, in the black, sometimes inspiration will strike.

So here you go. Back from the black, Minions-style.

Next week (major acts-of-God aside) come back for a special Holiday Minions.

See you then.

- Steve, Minion-Master and Under-the-Weather-Overlord.

Cat got your email? You may be a WINNAH!

As promised, I'm happy to announce the winner for the brand new ALIAS novel signed by the author (and also my wife) Christina F. York. Sorry I didn't do this sooner, but there were technical issues extracting the list of names for me to work out. And then there was the matter of how to randomly pick just the right slip of paper. For help with this, I called on our Cat Sydney, named after ALIAS super-spy Sydney Bristow, and adopted just after Chris finished the book. Take it away Sydney!



And so, the winner is:

(cue the drum-roll Minion...)

WILDWOLFCAJUN!

Congratulations, my friend. If you haven't already answered my private email, please send me a mailing address, and we'll get that book right out to you!

Thanks to everyone who participated, and members of our weekly reminder list can look forward to other drawings down the road.