Minions #207 - Scream Gems

 Stand by, following the usual blah, blah, blah for AN EDUCATIONAL EXPLANATION OF TODAY'S CARTOON from your Minion Master!

Your interminable wait is important to us. To serve you better, a supervisor may feed the representative assigned to serve you to the crab parasites just before they can answer your call. It's just one more way of saying, "we care, just not about you."

SUPPORT THE FORCES OF EVIL, WITHOUT WHOM YOU'D HAVE TO LIVE IN SOME BORING UTOPIA OR SOMETHING! HELP FINANCE "MINIONS AT WORK" BY BUYING STUFF YOU WERE GOING TO BUY ANYWAY! IT'S LIKE STEALING, ONLY LEGAL!
We're now Amazon.com affiliates, which means that if you click on the Amazon link in our sidebar and make purchases from Amazon, a tiny little sliver of what you spend goes to support these fine (maybe even near-mint!) cartoons!

Or visit our Amazon Lair Gift Shop for Minions-recommended merchandise featuring villainy from across pop-culture!

Minions at work is inadequately supported during this financial crisis by your purchases from our web stores and our advertisers. Feed the economy and help us bleed green just a little more slowly by purchasing tee-shirts, buttons, calendars, hats, undies (we kid not!), and other fine Minions at Work items at one of the following stores.

While waiting for your impending doom, pick up a Minions at Work tee-shirt or other great souvenir of your visit to the Lair:
THE MINION'S LAIR OF MERCHANDISE
"Satisfaction guaranteed or we'll make make you buy something else!"

and

NUMBER TWO'S HOUSE OF NAUGHTY
(For very small values of naughty.)

Or just click on our "Donate" button and send us cash add to our "Buy the Minions a Camera Fund!" 100% of your contribution goes to allow starving orphans to buy blankets for kittens.

Nah, not really, it all goes to ME, in order to further the cause of EVIL, and the photography thereof.

Join the Minions Reminder Email List. It's free, it's easy, and you'll never miss a Minions at Work cartoon (or if you do, it won't be our fault!) Or become one of our followers. See the follower box in our Mighty Sidebar!

Or join our "Minions at Work" group on Facebook.

And yes, I'm finally on Twitter. Follow me. I'm JSteveYork there (clicking on the previous link will take you straight to my profile page.) Eventually I'm getting No. 1 his own account for Minions-related-business, but one thing at a time.

Still: We're everywhere! We're everywhere!

---

Greetings, Highly Expendibles!

Glad you made it this far, because without a little help, I doubt half of you are going to get today's cartoon.  But this is important, damn it!  I'm adding something indispensable to your cultural literacy here, by introducing many of you to the "Wilhelm Scream!"

The "Wilhelm" screen is a commonly used sound effect that has been passed through generations of Hollywood sound editors, and is in many of the best-loved films of all time!  You've heard it dozens, if not hundreds of times, without knowing it.  But once you've heard it out of context, you won't forget it, and can have a secret laugh next time you hear it in a movie or TV show.  (I heard it as a bad-guy fell from a cable-car in last week's episode of "Human Target," for example.)

Here are a couple of fan-edited compilation videos from YouTube featuring various instances of the "Wilhelm Scream."  See how many you've seen (or heard) before!  Fun! Enjoy!




So, there you have it, the Wilhelm Scream!

See you guys back here next week!

              - Minion Master Steve

Support starving Minions in Lair-land! Your donations support Minions at Work!

Minions #133 - Start Bailing

Stand by, following the usually commercial jibber-jabber for some calming reassurances in this time of crisis from your Minion Master!

CLICK ON IMAGES FOR LARGER VERSIONS

Your visit is important to us. Please give all your bank account and personal information to the nearest Minion and stare mindlessly at the screen for a end-of-summer message from your Minion Master, following the usual commercial interruptions.

Minions at work is inadequately supported by your purchases from our web stores and our advertisers. Help us bleed green just a little more slowly by purchasing tee-shirts, buttons, calendars, hats, undies (we kid not!), and other fine Minions at Work items at one of the following stores.

While waiting for your impending doom, pick up a Minions at Work tee-shirt or other great gift:
THE MINION'S LAIR OF MERCHANDISE
"Where the beatings will continue until all customers are satisfied!"

and

NUMBER TWO'S HOUSE OF NAUGHTY
(Oh, come on. You know you want to be naughty!)

Join the Minions reminder email list or we will send a vice-presidential candidate to kiss all your babies!* It's free, it's easy, and you'll never miss a Minions at Work cartoon (or if you do, it won't be our fault!)

*Actually, we're just going to send Minion Number Two in a designer dress and librarian-glasses and he's just going to bruise the little tyke's face with his gas-mask. This, however, is still better than being kissed by the candidate.)


Greetings, Victims of Circumstance!

AHHHH! AHHHHH! PANIC! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! CASH OUT WHAT'S LEFT OF YOUR 401K AND INVEST IT IN TULIP BULBS AND CANNED GOODS! HURRY! FOR GOD'S SAKE HURRY!

Oh.

Wait.

Was I supposed to say something calming?

I don't often hit on current events, but since this gave me an excuse to reuse one of my all-time-favorite Minions at Work images, I couldn't resist. (I've got another scene set up at Minions Studios that I had intended to post, but maybe you'll get it later in the week as that make-up cartoon I've been promising.)

Anyway, we're all just Minions in this great nation of ours, and rule number one of being a Minion is, you really don't have any control anyway, so there's no sense in panicking. Just adopt a zen-like state of calm, go to your inner Happy Place, and try to hold onto the handrail so the blast doesn't blow you off the catwalk and into the yawning abyss.

See? Isn't that better?

- your helpful Minion Master, Steve.


And don't forget to run out and spend your last few dollars on that
new anthology with a great new story by Mrs. Minion Master! It's called "Witch High," and features stories by 14 top authors about the students of Salem Township Public High-school #4." Just in time for Halloween! Buy a bunch of copies and corrupt all the little witches and warlocks that show up at your door!

BUY "WITCH HIGH" ON AMAZON NOW!

Minions #85 - Job Insecurity

Don't miss the latest ravings of a lunatic madman, your Minion Master, following the usual annoying noise...

While waiting for your impending doom, shop:
THE MINION'S LAIR OF MERCHANDISE
"If you're not 100% satisfied, then the beatings will begin!"

and

NUMBER TWO'S HOUSE OF NAUGHTY
(Oh, come on. You know you want to be naughty!)

Join the Minions reminder email list or we will send a presidential candidate to kiss all your babies!* It's free, it's easy, and you'll never miss a Minions at Work cartoon (or if you do, it won't be our fault!)

*Actually, we're just going to send Minion Number Two and he's just going to bruise the little tyke's face with his gas-mask. This, however, is still better than being kissed by the candidate.)

A message to ground-zero from your fearless leader:

Greetings, collateral damage,


We have a slogan here at Minions Central: "It's a tough job, but somebody has to do it!" Which is why, whenever possible, we pass the buck to a low-paid, expendable flunky.

Basically, there are two kinds of people in the world. The people who make up these stupid slogans, and the people who get stuck with the crap-ass jobs. We know what kind of person we want to be. How about you?

Hey, have you checked our sidebar lately? I'm always tinkering with it, updating the Evil List of Good Names for Rock Bands and the The Incomplete List of Evil Overlords and Super-villains, passing along new messages from our characters, and updating links. So check it out. You may be missing fun stuff.

Speaking of, maybe you've wondered who gets on The Incomplete List of Evil Overlords and Super-villains. Surely, there's no shortage of candidates, but in truth, you'll not find many real terrorists or murderers, or violent criminals there. Instead, I skim the current news for people, companies, agencies, or very occasionally, things that (in my evil opinion) annoy or offend on a grand scale, the sort of pervasive but low-level evil that rarely gets acknowledged as such. I usually don't explain who (or what) they are, or why they're on the list. I leave it to you to go do a little searching (Google's News Search is always a good place to start).

Know somebody you think should be on the list? Drop me a note. If I agree, I'll put them up.

And with that, my regular plea to share "Minions at Work" with friends and family, and to drop us a note or, better yet, leave a comment here on the blog. Because love to hear from you.

- Steve