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Meet the Minions!

Who are the Minions?

Interchangeable, expendable, not too bright, they are the work-a-day servants of the forces of not-good.  Evil isn't their nature.  Evil is just their day job.  Sooner or later we all end up working for the forces of evil, be they Doctor Coldblood, Wal-Mart, or the IRS.

Working for an agency, the Minions travel from lair to lair, and overlord to overlord, getting blown off catwalks where ever they're needed.

Here are some of the many Minions you'll encounter:

No. 1 - Leader of White Team, call him "Number One," not "No One," if you know what's good for you (and if you think he might be listening).  Experienced and unflappable, is wise in the ways of Minion.  Unfortunately, he's been blown off a few too many catwalks, and been hit in the head from behind just a few many times, so not everything he says is trustworthy, or even entirely sane.  But when it comes to advice on staying alive as a minion, he's the best you've got.  He speaks with a mangled accent that's one part Baltic-state and one part Valley Girl.  It isn't clear if this is the result of his country of origin, or simply repeated head-injuries...  Likes: Bringing his team back alive, pizza.  Dislikes: Losing another Number 13, General Zed. 

Number Two - No. 1's friend, right-hand, and second in command is the completely dependable Minion.  You can depend on him to be cowardly, lazy, and selfish.  Foul mouthed (he's really lose with the "frickin's") and cranky, it isn't clear if No. 1 is oblivious to Number Two's shortcomings, or if he simply enjoys pushing his second into difficulty and danger.  Number two is never seen without his gas mask, and some have a theory that it's there to keep the noxious in!  Number Two could easily be an overlord, but he just doesn't have the ambition, and doesn't want the responsibility.

Numero XX - Our Latino minion is a relatively new addition to the group, and we haven't learned a great deal about him yet.  Time will tell.

Number 9 - If Number 9 has a motto, it's "Im a lover, not a fighter."  It's not that Number 9 is cowardly or lazy.  That's Number Two's job.  It's just that Number 9 has a pragmatic view of what constitutes a reasonable payment-to-risk radio, and on a Minions' salary, that isn't very much.  Number 9 is one of the more technically proficient Minons, and he loves to play with the toys that come with his job.  He likes electricity and things with levers and buttons.  He likes things that go fast, to the point of strapping a warp-drive on the Minionmobile.  He can also frequently be seen at the helm of Cap'n Rehab's submaring, the Naughtyless.  Least Favorite Food: Fish Sticks.  Pet Peeves: Overtime, penguin practical jokes, salt water corroding his "bling."

Number 10 - Identified by his camouflage combat helmet, number 10 is the "make war, not love guy."  He's fond of guns and almost never without one (the bigger, the better).  His violent tendencies don't mesh well with No. 1, who tries mostly to keep him distracted, busy, and out of trouble, guarding the deepest dungeons and most hidden storage facilities.

Number 13 - Often mentioned, never seen, Minion 13 is the "red-shirt" of Minions, replaced pretty much on a weekly basis.

Newbie - Often seen, rarely heard from, the newbie has been around for a while, but he'll always be "the new guy."  He's not the sharpest tool in the shed, rarely seems to understand what's going on even when he's right in the middle of it, and often gets himself in trouble.

Number 67 - The only lady in a boy's club, Minion 67 can hold her own against any Minion.  While most of the Minions stumbled into the profession, she was born into it, part of a long line of thugs, goons, thieves, and petty-criminals.  She's proud of her heritage, and can always be counted on when a lock needs picking, a safe cracking, or an alarm disarmed.  Despite her deep-seated criminal ways, Number 67 has often been known to "cross the line," dating capes and heroes in a series of doomed, yet entertaining, romances.

Minion #90 - This never-seen Minion is No. 1's cousin.  At some past date he fell into a bottomless pit, and therefore is of course still falling.  He reports in now and then via cell-phone, text message, or email.

The Ancient Minion - Often seen dispensing wisdom from the top of a a mountain of boxes in some lost warehouse, the Ancient Minion is the original leader of the Minions.  Some say he was the original Number One, or Number Zero, or Minion Alpha, or that he is so old, he has no number at all.  His two favorite underlings were the current No. 1, and the  Minion-turned-Overlord, General Zed.  When the ancient Minion retired to his mountain and passed the torch, Zed left the Minions, swearing that if he could not rule the Minions directly, he would rule them as an Overlord.  This has come to pass, all except for No. 1, who has steadfastly refused to "kneel before Zed," or even show him the slightest amount of respect.  Zed has not spoken to the Ancient Minion since, that we know of, but No. 1 and the other Minions (and sometimes others, such as the Penguin) consult him for wisdom and guidance.

Penguin -  An honorary Minion, the penguin is something of a mystery.  Rumor has it that he's the result of a failed (or too successful) overlord experiment to create an army of hyper-intelligent, genetically engineered, penguins.  Whatever.  The penguin can often be seen behaving in most un-penguinlike fashion, carrying guns, flying helicopters, and playing practical jokes on Number 9.  Likes: Frozen fish-sticks, big shoes, helmets, proving he isn't "flightless." Dislikes: Cold water, diving without an aqualung.

Intern - The occasionally seen intern, AKA "Number 333" (he's only half-evil) doesn't seem to be liked by anyone, which is okay, because he doesn't like them back.  Mostly he stands around and talks on his cell-phone.

The Other Guys - There are other members of White Team who have made an appearance or two, but we've yet to learn much about them, even their numbers.
Tech Minions - White Team have a friendly rivalry with the Tech Minions, who more often work in the control-rooms and upper levels of the lair, not down in the dungeons and labs doing the real work.