Minion 99.9 - Youth Movement

CLICK ON IMAGE FOR LARGER VERSION

Your visit is important to us. Please hand your wallet to the nearest Minion and stare mindlessly at the screen for a message from your Minon Master, following the usual commercial interruptions.

Minions at work is inadequately supported by your purchases from our web stores and our advertisers. Help us bleed green just a little more slowly by purchasing tee-shirts, buttons, calendars, hats, undies (we kid not!), and other fine Minions at Work items at one of the following stores.

While waiting for your impending doom, pick up a Minions at Work 2008 Calendar or other great gift:
THE MINION'S LAIR OF MERCHANDISE
"Where all our customers are satisfied, because those are the ones we allow to live!"

and

NUMBER TWO'S HOUSE OF NAUGHTY
(Oh, come on. You know you want to be naughty!)

Join the Minions reminder email list or we will send a presidential candidate to kiss all your babies!* It's free, it's easy, and you'll never miss a Minions at Work cartoon (or if you do, it won't be our fault!)

*Actually, we're just going to send Minion Number Two and he's just going to bruise the little tyke's face with his gas-mask. This, however, is still better than being kissed by the candidate.)

Greetings, Patient Ones!

Okay, not #100 again. But I was professionally busy over the weekend. I wrote AND sold a new short story called "Boldly Reimagined" to an upcoming hero-themed anthology edited by Denise Little. (See the sidebar for info on "Frontlines" another anthology coming up in May, also edited by Denise, in which Chris and I both have stories, or just follow this link to Amazon.com).

There was also an interesting nibble that could lead to the most exciting Minions-related event yet, but it's WAY premature to say more than that. It could come to nothing. I'll keep you posted.

On the #100 front, the good news is that the sound (unless I've forgotten something) is FINALLY all recorded, and I'm working on the final editing of it. Then I can finish the picture editing. If so, maybe I can finish it this week. If not -- uh -- 99.91 anyone?

This just turned out to be a much bigger project than I expected. I hope it's worth the effort. A lot of people see these YouTube videos, so maybe it will drag some more visitors in here.

As always, drop us a note or comment with your reactions to our cartoons or anything else of interest. Suggestions for our sidebar "evil overlords" and "good names for rock bands" lists are always welcomed.

We also love links from other sites (and will return the favor in our "thanks for the link" section) and any other grass-roots promotion you folks do. Share Minions at Work with your family, friends, and your other message boards and mailing lists. We appreciate it so much that we'll hold off dispatching our atomic robot dragons to burn down your garage. For this week, anyway. Thanks.

See you next week.

-Steve

Minions 99.8 -Small Favors

CLICK ON IMAGE FOR LARGER VERSION

Your visit is important to us. Please hand your wallet to the nearest Minion and stare mindlessly at the screen for a message from your Minon Master, following the usual commercial interruptions.

Minions at work is inadequately supported by your purchases from our web stores and our advertisers. Help us bleed green just a little more slowly by purchasing tee-shirts, buttons, calendars, hats, undies (we kid not!), and other fine Minions at Work items at one of the following stores.

While waiting for your impending doom, pick up a Minions at Work 2008 Calendar or other great gift:
THE MINION'S LAIR OF MERCHANDISE
"Where all our customers are satisfied, because those are the ones we allow to live!"

and

NUMBER TWO'S HOUSE OF NAUGHTY
(Oh, come on. You know you want to be naughty!)

Join the Minions reminder email list or we will send a presidential candidate to kiss all your babies!* It's free, it's easy, and you'll never miss a Minions at Work cartoon (or if you do, it won't be our fault!)

*Actually, we're just going to send Minion Number Two and he's just going to bruise the little tyke's face with his gas-mask. This, however, is still better than being kissed by the candidate.)

Greetings, Disappointed Ones!

No, it isn't Minons #100 yet. What I haven't told anyone is that Minions #100 has been done for weeks. Actually, I'm stalling to give myself more time to work on Minions #200. It's coming up fast!

No, not only is it not #100, I'm late. Lots of stuff going on here, and yet more visitors in town later in the week.

As for #100, what I'm being reminded of from my old college movie-making days is that pictures are easy. Sound is hard. My office/studio is a converted garage, and it's not well soundproofed. The weather has turned nice here on the Oregon coast, so all around me the kids have been running up and down the street screaming, people are fixing roofs and doing repairs (I'm waiting for someone to clean my chimney right now, in fact), and even the birds have contributed, gulls fighting noisily on my office roof. I'm down to the last scene, and if I can get that recorded, the editing should go fast (all the visual elements WERE done weeks ago).

Any bets on 99.9?

See ya next week.

-Big Evil Steve

Minions 99.7 - Long Lunch

(Click on Cartoons for full-sized versions)

Greetings, Suspended Animations!

Okay, this still isn't #100. I blame it on the writer's strike. Wait? What's this you tell me? The writer's strike is over? Uh, okay... Look! Over there! A WOMBAT!

Okay, not buying that either. Well, though this has been a bad week, I did get another big chunk of the audio recorded. I Have one more segment to do, then I can edit the final audio track and start the final video edit.

Uh. Have I said too much already? Never was that good with secrets. Like all evil overlords, your Minion Master is prone to blurt out his plans well before they're completed. Just living down the the stereotype.

As I mentioned earlier, we spent the word in Pasco, Washington at the Radcon science fiction and gaming convention. This is, I think, our third year attending, and I had a lot of fun. As usual, we got to hang out with lots of friends and to meet cool new folks, and our "Evil is Just my Day Job" buttons proved quite popular. I was on an "Evil Overlord" panel that was lots of fun.

Anyway, I was inspired, after we returned, to throw together this little tribute bonus cartoon in honor of the occasion (and in case you have trouble getting it, just know that the Pasco tri-cities area are right next to the Hanford Nuclear Reservation, of Manhattan Project and cold-war fame).


Anyway, see you next week.


-Steve

Minions 99.6 - A Terrible Thing to Waste

Greetings, Impatient Ones!

Okay, this still isn't #100. I didn't get much done on it last week with house-guests and other projects taking priority, and given that I'm scheduled to be at Radcon in Pasco, Washington next weekend, this week is going to be tight too. So I'm just going to keep cranking out the regular stuff for a couple weeks here until it all comes together. Hang in there. Hopefully it will be worth the wait.

Of course, by now, some of you are probably even doubting that #100 exists! Well, just as proof, here's a preview photo from the set. Hopefully it isn't too much of a spoiler.



So, I'll have another regular cartoon lined up for Monday, on the assumption that #100 won't be done. Hey, cheer up! Winter weather could still cause us to cancel our travel plans (we're driving, and we're not experienced snow drivers) and I'll just have to stay home and work on #100 instead!

One way or another, see you next week.

-Steve

Minions #99.5 - On Watch

CLICK ON IMAGE FOR LARGER VERSION

Your eyes are important to us, please read an important message from the Cap'n, following the usual commercial music on hold...

While waiting for your impending doom, pick up a Minions at Work 2008 Calendar or other great gift:
THE MINION'S LAIR OF MERCHANDISE
"Where all our customers are satisfied, because those are the ones we allow to live!"

and

NUMBER TWO'S HOUSE OF NAUGHTY
(Oh, come on. You know you want to be naughty!)

Join the Minions reminder email list or we will send a presidential candidate to kiss all your babies!* It's free, it's easy, and you'll never miss a Minions at Work cartoon (or if you do, it won't be our fault!)

*Actually, we're just going to send Minion Number Two and he's just going to bruise the little tyke's face with his gas-mask. This, however, is still better than being kissed by the candidate.)


Attention, all hands on deck! All hands on deck! (Whoops, we forgot to surface the sub first. Our bad...

Arr, greetings, scurvy dogs! This be Cap'n Rehab!



You be think'n 'no Minions at Work #100 this week," and yee'd be right enough. It's been one O' them weeks, with fierce weather, out-O-town guests, exploding appliances, and roofers working next-door ta' Big Steve's office so's he couldn't record sound. (Arr. I wasn't supposed to say that!)

So he comes to me and he says, Cap'n I gots a dangerous mission for you (except he dont' say 'gots' cuz' he talks funny-like). I needs you to hold them off shore while I gets this one finished. The odds be hopeless. It's one against an armada. But I gots me confidence in ya's.

Now, Danger ain't me middle name, but it is the middle three digits of me Social Security number, so I heads right down to the docks, has Mister Penguin fire up nuclear reactors, and we sets sail with the tide, and here I be...vamping for all I be worth...

So's, I'm betting you be asking yourself, a dashing rogue of the sea such as yourself, what's yer story?

Well stop shaking in yer leg-irons, 'cuz I'll tell ya's. As for me past, that's a shadowy mystery, and besides, the court records is sealed. But serve it to say that I command the most powerful fish that ever swam the sea, the mighty submarine/reputation rehabilition center, "Naughtyless." She's manned with a full crew O' cutthroats, scalawags, washed-up pop stars, Oscar-winning-mean-drunks, ex-child-actors, and senators with wandering hands. O'course, the whole lot of them put together ain't worth a bilge full O' warm spit as a crew, so's I hires me some Minions to do the real work...

Back off on the bow planes two degrees Mister Penguin, and watch those reactor core temperatures! I know you be an even finer Nuclear Engineer than President Carter, but don't cut it too close in the name O' speed!

Sure'n all these has-beens and never-wases are a scurvy lot, but they keeps me in the tabloids, and that's what really counts. And they pays me, so's I got plenty of doubloons to give the Minions half-wages and short-rations, and still pocket 90% O' thu take.

Arr, 'scuse me. Duty calls. We got some sonar echos -- could be a school O' sardines -- or it might be that bewitching siren of the sea, Betty Ford, come to take us all to a watery grave...

Rendezvous at these coordinates next week, and we'll see what be happenin'

Minions #99 - Boss Beverage

CLICK ON IMAGE FOR LARGER VERSION

Your eyes are important to us, please read an important message from your Minion Master, following the usual commercial music on hold...

While waiting for your impending doom, pick up a Minions at Work 2008 Calendar or other great gift:
THE MINION'S LAIR OF MERCHANDISE
"Where all our customers are satisfied, because those are the ones we allow to live!"

and

NUMBER TWO'S HOUSE OF NAUGHTY
(Oh, come on. You know you want to be naughty!)

Join the Minions reminder email list or we will send a presidential candidate to kiss all your babies!* It's free, it's easy, and you'll never miss a Minions at Work cartoon (or if you do, it won't be our fault!)

*Actually, we're just going to send Minion Number Two and he's just going to bruise the little tyke's face with his gas-mask. This, however, is still better than being kissed by the candidate.)


A belated message from your Minion Master

Greetings, Minimals!

You know, those big, round, numbers are absolutely what kill web comics. I've seen this happen before. The comic creator has in mind to do something really SPECIAL for their 100 (or 200th, or 500th) installment, and they bite off more than they can chew, and then its late, and then the pressure is on, and it's later, and it gets worse, and finally they lose all momentum and give up.

Well, that will never happen here!

Okay, maybe it will. But we WILL NOT be giving up. Minions at Work #100 IS a major undertaking, and I'm still working on it, but we WILL get it done and we WILL get back to your regular old entertainment. Trust me. It will be worth the wait (and will set up a totally new Minions scenario which will provide countless new comic panels as time goes on).

Anyway, we'll be back next week with #100. Or if not, with something. See you then.

-Steve

Not Minons #99 - An announcment from Minion #9

Hey, ya'll. Minion Number 9 here. Steve has asked me to let you know that he's so busy working on Minons At Work #100 that, rather than take time out to dash-off some half-assed cartoon this week, he decided to take a pass this Monday. Doesn't mean that a cartoon won't show up at some point this week. Might. Might not. Just he's not going to put pressure on one way or another.

And hey, while I've got your attention, I just wanted to point out that it's Martin Luther King Jr. day today, and that we at Minions at Work are firmly devoted to the principle that all Minions are created equal, and that each of us, regardless of race, creed, skin-color or the thickness of our eyebrows, are entitled to equal opportunity in employment, housing, education, and to not suffer any MORE oppression than any other Minion under the jack-boots of the evil overlords who trample us all. So reach out to your fellow Minions today. We all toil under the same yoke. Let us share our burdens equally.

Which brings up one other thing. I'm not even IN Minions at Work #100. What the H*#L is up with that? Get me my agent-overlord, Major Percentage, on the phone!

Not feeling the love,
-Number 9

Minions #98 - Don't Asgard, Don't Tell

CLICK ON IMAGE FOR LARGER VERSION

Your eyes are important to us, please read an important message from your Minion Master, following the usual commercial music on hold...

While waiting for your impending doom, pick up a Minions at Work 2008 Calendar or other great gift:
THE MINION'S LAIR OF MERCHANDISE
"Where all our customers are satisfied, because those are the ones we allow to live!"

and

NUMBER TWO'S HOUSE OF NAUGHTY
(Oh, come on. You know you want to be naughty!)

Join the Minions reminder email list or we will send a presidential candidate to kiss all your babies!* It's free, it's easy, and you'll never miss a Minions at Work cartoon (or if you do, it won't be our fault!)

*Actually, we're just going to send Minion Number Two and he's just going to bruise the little tyke's face with his gas-mask. This, however, is still better than being kissed by the candidate.)


Kneel before yet another message from your Minion God

Greetings, Anubis Noobs!



Okay, I couldn't resist having one more go with Stargate before we move on.

Also, I didn't want to put together another set while I'm working on something special for Minons at Work #100. In truth, I hope I haven't bitten off more than I can chew, with only two weeks left, and it isn't like I don't have other things to be doing here (like, oh, I don't know, WRITING BOOKS!).

But I'm going to do my best to deliver. In fact, I will deliver. The big question, will we have to skip straight from Minions at Work #99 to Minions at Work #101 while I get #100 finished?

See you guys next week.

- Stevenubis.

Minions #97 - Staff Weapon

CLICK ON IMAGE FOR LARGER VERSION

Your eyes are important to us, please read an important message from your Minion Master, following the usual commercial music on hold...

While waiting for your impending doom, pick up a Minions at Work 2008 Calendar or other great gift:
THE MINION'S LAIR OF MERCHANDISE
"Where all our customers are satisfied, because those are the ones we allow to live!"

and

NUMBER TWO'S HOUSE OF NAUGHTY
(Oh, come on. You know you want to be naughty!)

Join the Minions reminder email list or we will send a presidential candidate to kiss all your babies!* It's free, it's easy, and you'll never miss a Minions at Work cartoon (or if you do, it won't be our fault!)

*Actually, we're just going to send Minion Number Two and he's just going to bruise the little tyke's face with his gas-mask. This, however, is still better than being kissed by the candidate.)

A message from your Minion God

Greetings, Anubis Noobs!

A little tip of the hat this week to the Stargate universe. I don't know if you knew, but while Stargate SG-1, the series is gone, a direct-to-DVD Stargate SG-1 movie The Ark of Truth, is scheduled for release in March, with a second movie, Stargate Continuum, to follow. (Continuum features the return of one of our favorite evil-doers, the Goa'uld Bal. Frankly, we think the Goa'uld have way more style than the Ori, and Bal the best bad the Goa'uld have to offer. Looking forward to it.

Okay, we're geeks here at Minion central. We admit it.

- See you next week
Lord Steve

Minions #96 - Lab Work

CLICK ON IMAGE FOR LARGER VERSION

Your eyes are important to us, please read an important message from your Minion Master, following the usual commercial music on hold...

While waiting for your impending doom, pick up a Minions at Work 2008 Calendar or other great gift:
THE MINION'S LAIR OF MERCHANDISE
"Where all our customers are satisfied, because those are the ones we allow to live!"

and

NUMBER TWO'S HOUSE OF NAUGHTY
(Oh, come on. You know you want to be naughty!)

Join the Minions reminder email list or we will send a presidential candidate to kiss all your babies!* It's free, it's easy, and you'll never miss a Minions at Work cartoon (or if you do, it won't be our fault!)

*Actually, we're just going to send Minion Number Two and he's just going to bruise the little tyke's face with his gas-mask. This, however, is still better than being kissed by the candidate.)

A New Years message from your Minion Master

Greetings, Leap-years!

Okay, it's been a big week here, what with the unannounced invasion by our Son and his family, so we're running late, and this may not be our "A" material. LIVE WITH IT! Back to normal next year.

Have a safe and happy New Year.

-Steve

Minons #95 - Santa's Chair

CLICK ON IMAGE FOR LARGER VERSION

Your eyes are important to us, please read an important message from your Minion Master, following the usual commercial music on hold...

While waiting for your impending doom, pick up a Minions at Work 2008 Calendar or other great gift:
THE MINION'S LAIR OF MERCHANDISE
"Where all our customers are satisfied, because those are the ones we allow to live!"

and

NUMBER TWO'S HOUSE OF NAUGHTY
(Oh, come on. You know you want to be naughty!)

Join the Minions reminder email list or we will send a presidential candidate to kiss all your babies!* It's free, it's easy, and you'll never miss a Minions at Work cartoon (or if you do, it won't be our fault!)

*Actually, we're just going to send Minion Number Two and he's just going to bruise the little tyke's face with his gas-mask. This, however, is still better than being kissed by the candidate.)

Please wait for the next available Santa. No beard pulling, and one present per customer. Santa already knows if you're naughty or nice, so no belaboring the point. Remember that Santa's sleigh does not come equipped with GPS, so all letters to Santa should include a full street address, a zip code, and a day-time phone number. Santa is not responsible for lost or misplaced gifts, especially if they have a value of over five figures, or weigh over a ton. Okay, we admit it. We dropped your freaking Porsche in a snow bank, okay? The reindeer were TIRED! Next!

Greetings, Lap-warmers,

It's been a big day here at the Lair. I had just finished upgrading the evil mainframe (big, new LCD monitor, added a 300gig hard-drive, and a new DVD burner, all of which will be applied to the advancement of future evil Minions projects) when a mysterious call sent my wife Chris into her place of employment (a beachfront resort hotel here on the Oregon coast) in response to an "emergency." There, she was ambushed and forced to participate in an evil scheme, calling to tell me that there had been "flooding" at work, but she'd be home in a minute, which made no sense at all.

She showed up on the doorstep a few minutes later and shouted, "look what I found!" What she'd found was our son and his family, up from California unannounced, including the lovely grandbaby Zoe! Yikes! Our evil plans have been totally outdone! How will we top this one without crashing the Earth into the Sun? (Which is on our "to-do" list, by the way, right after "paint the evil garage.")

Anyway, our Christmas is much brighter. Drat! We had a simply grand funk coming on.

Hope you all have a safe and happy holiday, however you celebrate. Stay warm in your lairs, give your Minions an extra helping of gruel, watch out for the forces of Good, and Santa might just drop something special down the throat of your hollow volcano. Whoops, I don't think that's Santa. I think it's James Bond!

DUCK!

-See you next week!

-Steve

Minions #94 - Truth Hurts

CLICK ON IMAGE FOR LARGER VERSION

Your eyes are important to us, please read an important message from your Minion Master, following the usual commercial music on hold...

While waiting for your impending doom, pick up a Minions at Work 2008 Calendar or other great gift:
THE MINION'S LAIR OF MERCHANDISE
"Where all our customers are satisfied, because those are the ones we allow to live!"

and

NUMBER TWO'S HOUSE OF NAUGHTY
(Oh, come on. You know you want to be naughty!)

Join the Minions reminder email list or we will send a presidential candidate to kiss all your babies!* It's free, it's easy, and you'll never miss a Minions at Work cartoon (or if you do, it won't be our fault!)

*Actually, we're just going to send Minion Number Two and he's just going to bruise the little tyke's face with his gas-mask. This, however, is still better than being kissed by the candidate.)

Please hold for a message from the next available Minion Master...

Greetings, Minimal Ones,

Here we are closing in on the end of another year of unrepentant evil, and I realize that we're rapidly coming up on Minions at Work number 100! I'd love to say I have something special planned, but to be honest, I haven't got a clue yet. Got any ideas for what Minions #100 should be about? Drop us a note or comment. I might post some of the better ones. Heck, I might even use some of your ideas! Get to it!

We're still behind on everything here after the storm. I still have wreck of a shed in the front yard that needs cleaning up, and stuff formerly stored in said shed stacked all over my house. There's the usual unrelenting string of Christmas shopping, parties, events, and visitors to take care up. I do not feel in the Christmas spirit. Perhaps I should destroy Australia. Or maybe I'll just eat some more gingerbread and brood. Probably the brooding...

- Steve

Minions #93 - Holiday Spirit

CLICK ON IMAGE FOR LARGER VERSION

Don't miss the latest reality programming from your Minion Master, following the usual commercial rerun...

While waiting for your impending doom, shop:
THE MINION'S LAIR OF MERCHANDISE
"Where all our customers are satisfied, because those are the ones we allow to live!"

and

NUMBER TWO'S HOUSE OF NAUGHTY
(Oh, come on. You know you want to be naughty!)

Join the Minions reminder email list or we will send a presidential candidate to kiss all your babies!* It's free, it's easy, and you'll never miss a Minions at Work cartoon (or if you do, it won't be our fault!)

*Actually, we're just going to send Minion Number Two and he's just going to bruise the little tyke's face with his gas-mask. This, however, is still better than being kissed by the candidate.)

QUIET ON THE SET! ANOTHER BULL-HORN BLAST FROM YOUR MINION MASTER:

Greetings, Extras,

Well, we've survived the Great Storm of 2007 here on the Oregon coast. (At least I hope so. Not that I doubt we survived. Just that I hope this was actually the Great Storm of 2007. If it isn't really here yet, I don't want to know about it. Well, yeah, I do, so I can move safely inland first!) See previous posts and links to my regular blog for details and pictures.

Actually, at this point, there's nothing I'd like more than to kick back and slack off for a while, but I used up the last cartoon in inventory last week. So I had to come up with something quick, and I thought, why not get the holiday season started a little early this year? Actually, I'm pretty happy this one (and it gets a big thumbs up from Chris). Now, on to thinking something up for next week.

See you then.

-Steve

Storm warning

We're still alive out here. Details and some pictures on my regular blog.

Minions #92 - Replacement Value

(Yes, I know the cartoon actually has "Minions" incorrectly spelled. I'll fix it after the storms pass!)


CLICK ON IMAGE FOR LARGER VERSION

Don't miss the latest reality programming from your Minion Master, following the usual commercial rerun...

While waiting for your impending doom, shop:
THE MINION'S LAIR OF MERCHANDISE
"Where all our customers are satisfied, because those are the ones we allow to live!"

and

NUMBER TWO'S HOUSE OF NAUGHTY
(Oh, come on. You know you want to be naughty!)

Join the Minions reminder email list or we will send a presidential candidate to kiss all your babies!* It's free, it's easy, and you'll never miss a Minions at Work cartoon (or if you do, it won't be our fault!)

*Actually, we're just going to send Minion Number Two and he's just going to bruise the little tyke's face with his gas-mask. This, however, is still better than being kissed by the candidate.)

A Live Report From Hurricane Central from your Minion Master:

Greetings, Gale-force Friends,


Just a quick note now. Maybe I'll add more later, but we're braced for a serious storm here, and I'm expecting the power to go out any moment. Didn't have time to do a new cartoon this week, so I'm pulling the last one out of my inventory without hardly even checking to see what it is. Hope it's funny! Maybe! Hopefully I'll be back in the Minion business after this blows over (ha!) Monday afternoon. See you on the other side... (Possibly I'll update this later in the week, if I'm able, and if there's something to report...)

-Stormy Steve

Minions #91 - Having a Blast

CLICK ON IMAGE FOR LARGER VERSION

Don't miss the latest reality programming from your Minion Master, following the usual commercial rerun...

While waiting for your impending doom, shop:
THE MINION'S LAIR OF MERCHANDISE
"Where all our customers are satisfied, because those are the ones we allow to live!"

and

NUMBER TWO'S HOUSE OF NAUGHTY
(Oh, come on. You know you want to be naughty!)

Join the Minions reminder email list or we will send a presidential candidate to kiss all your babies!* It's free, it's easy, and you'll never miss a Minions at Work cartoon (or if you do, it won't be our fault!)

*Actually, we're just going to send Minion Number Two and he's just going to bruise the little tyke's face with his gas-mask. This, however, is still better than being kissed by the candidate.)

Counting down to a new message from your Fearless (more or less) Leader:

Greetings, Blast Deflectors,


Some friendly seasonal advice here: Always remember to read and follow the operating instructions. This applies to nuclear death missiles, or Christmas lights. Just sayin'.

Hey, if you haven't seen them, I posted a few photos from my Las Vegas trip last week. Find them here.

Lots to catch up on now that I'm home (including shooting some new MaW panels, so I'll keep this short. See you back here next week.

-Steve

Live From Las Vegas

Since several of you have expressed curiosity about my Las Vegas trip, a couple pictures of your Minion Master on-site.

Here I am at a shop in Caesar's Palace, checking out the latest item in the "Minions at Work" toy line. Every rug-rat needs a Minionmobile of their very own!

And here I am at the Orleans Casino auditioning a potential new cast member...

Minions #90 - Unscripted

CLICK ON IMAGE FOR LARGER VERSION

Don't miss the latest reality programming from your Minion Master, following the usual commercial rerun...

While waiting for your impending doom, shop:
THE MINION'S LAIR OF MERCHANDISE
"Where all our customers are satisfied, because those are the ones we allow to live!"

and

NUMBER TWO'S HOUSE OF NAUGHTY
(Oh, come on. You know you want to be naughty!)

Join the Minions reminder email list or we will send a presidential candidate to kiss all your babies!* It's free, it's easy, and you'll never miss a Minions at Work cartoon (or if you do, it won't be our fault!)

*Actually, we're just going to send Minion Number Two and he's just going to bruise the little tyke's face with his gas-mask. This, however, is still better than being kissed by the candidate.)

An unscripted message from your Fearless Leader:

Uh, is this thing on? Hi, mom! Testing one, two, three,


Hoo needs ritters anyways? All thay doo is rite the skrips. Qualatay mooves and telavizion kums frum Gaud, 2 thu direkor, tu the aktor, two U. Thiss wuz inventad bi thu Frinch. Thay kall it thu "otter theery." Everbaudy nos thiz. Ritters R slitely les impourtant thn thee gye hoo dryves D-livers th pourtabl toylets tu tha lokation. Whoo kneads thym?

Orr az Nummer Won wood sae...

Sea U nxt weak.

-Stebe

Ha, ha! Humor! Actually, most directors are fine and wonderful folk, and their contract is coming up for renegotiation soon too. It's the management and the media corporation who are the issue here. Management. (Special note to Mr. Michael Bay. Please, please, sir, don't bring down and air-strike on my ass!)

Minions #89 - Jaws of a Dilemma

CLICK ON IMAGE FOR LARGER VERSION

Don't miss the latest ravings of a lunatic madman, your Minion Master, following the usual commercial bite our of your wallet...

While waiting for your impending doom, shop:
THE MINION'S LAIR OF MERCHANDISE
"Where all our customers are satisfied, because those are the ones we allow to live!"

and

NUMBER TWO'S HOUSE OF NAUGHTY
(Oh, come on. You know you want to be naughty!)

Join the Minions reminder email list or we will send a presidential candidate to kiss all your babies!* It's free, it's easy, and you'll never miss a Minions at Work cartoon (or if you do, it won't be our fault!)

*Actually, we're just going to send Minion Number Two and he's just going to bruise the little tyke's face with his gas-mask. This, however, is still better than being kissed by the candidate.)

A cautionary message from your fearless leader:

Greetings, beneficiaries,


That reminds me, as (those of you in the U.S. anyway) celebrate Thanksgiving next week, remember not to bite off more than you can chew. As for your Minion Master, I'm loading up the escape pod for a quick ballistic arc over to Las Vegas, where I'll be working with my son on a new writing project. (Hey, off-season rooms are obscenely cheap, so is food, and Chris will be doing some research for a couple upcoming writing projects of her own.)

Anyway, I'll be leaving a Minions at Work cartoon set to go for you folks next week, but it may or may not go out exactly on schedule, depending on my internet access at the time.

Lets face it, a Las Vegas casino is kind of like a lair with more neon and better access to out-call escorts. Heck, it even has evil masterminds watching your every move through hidden cameras, and a plot to part the unsuspecting from their money and to get away with it Scott-free. From a villain's standpoint, you've got just got to admire the whole operation. So consider it Minions at Work research too. So, we're off.

And don't worry about Number Two folks. He's got more lives than a cockroach, and twice as much resistance to DDT. He'll be fine just as soon as they reattach his legs. And that will happen just as soon as they find them.

See you (remotely), next week.

- Steve

Minions #88 - Relative Beauty

CLICK ON IMAGE FOR LARGER VERSION

Don't miss the latest ravings of a lunatic madman, your Minion Master, following the usual commercial misfire...

While waiting for your impending doom, shop:
THE MINION'S LAIR OF MERCHANDISE
"If you're not 100% satisfied, then the beatings will begin!"

and

NUMBER TWO'S HOUSE OF NAUGHTY
(Oh, come on. You know you want to be naughty!)

Join the Minions reminder email list or we will send a presidential candidate to kiss all your babies!* It's free, it's easy, and you'll never miss a Minions at Work cartoon (or if you do, it won't be our fault!)

*Actually, we're just going to send Minion Number Two and he's just going to bruise the little tyke's face with his gas-mask. This, however, is still better than being kissed by the candidate.)

A rambling greeting from your rambling leader:

Greetings, fellow-travelers,




Do me a favor! Take a moment to click on the Web Comic List icon at the top of our sidebar, create a log-on, and choose "Minions at Work" as one of your favorite web comics! If you have a mind, you can also leave a comment while you're there. Doing so will push us up their popularity list, and hopefully bring more people to check out our site. It just takes a couple minutes, so give it a try (and maybe find some other cool web comics while you're at it).

It's another one of those weeks, where I wonder if y'all will be laughing or just scratching your heads. I thought it was funny, but I'm strange. Just in case, I've whipped up a little bonus content for you, another of our famous parody Minions magazine covers. Click on the small picture for a larger version, and enjoy. (I've got to print some of these out as mini-magazines and start using them as props for future cartoons.)

To give you some background on this week's cartoon, let me just say that I live at the beach. A really beautiful beach, in my opinion, on the Oregon coast, and having lived her for many years now I just can't imagine living anywhere else. Well, at least anywhere far from waves, sand, trees, and mountains.

Yet I do leave here sometimes. I like to travel, almost as much as I like coming home. And as I've driven across the country, I've seen many beautiful things. But I've also been many places so ugly, so unplesant, that, if they were a Wookie, you'd shave their butts and make them walk backwards.

These are the kinds of places that I can't drive through fast enough, that I can't imagine voluntarily stopping at, and God-help-me if there isn't usually somebody who apparently choses to live there!

Why?

I mean, it isn't as though there aren't plenty of better places to live, often within a few hours drive. It isn't as though there are great jobs in these places. Often I wonder what people there do at all, but when the economic base is apparent, it usually has to do with A: known carcinogens, B: horrible working conditions, C: high worker mortality, and D: low pay.

In other words, it's pretty much like being a Minion.

Is it just momentum? Are these people simply to ignorant that there's life beyond the radioactive fish-mine or the lead-paint tasting industry? No, they must see something wonderful about where they live and work. I can only figure that, as bad as their place is, they know somewhere even worse!

God help us all.

See you next week, where-ever you live,

-Steve

Minions #87 - Off Target

CLICK ON IMAGE FOR LARGER VERSION

Don't miss the latest ravings of a lunatic madman, your Minion Master, following the usual commercial misfire...

While waiting for your impending doom, shop:
THE MINION'S LAIR OF MERCHANDISE
"If you're not 100% satisfied, then the beatings will begin!"

and

NUMBER TWO'S HOUSE OF NAUGHTY
(Oh, come on. You know you want to be naughty!)

Join the Minions reminder email list or we will send a presidential candidate to kiss all your babies!* It's free, it's easy, and you'll never miss a Minions at Work cartoon (or if you do, it won't be our fault!)

*Actually, we're just going to send Minion Number Two and he's just going to bruise the little tyke's face with his gas-mask. This, however, is still better than being kissed by the candidate.)

A message down the firing range from your fearless leader:

Greetings, bulls-eyes,


This week I have to confess that I'm at a bit of fan-boy heaven over the return of some of my favorite TV villains, the Cylons! Okay, admittedly, the Cylons have been back for a while in Ron Moore's wonderfully reimagined version of Battlestar Galactica on the SciFi Channel.

But while the new "skin jobs" played by the likes of Grace Park and Tricia Helfer are easy on the eyes, and the new CGI metal Cylons are pretty cool, I still miss the old-school chrome-plated "toasters" with their grating, mechanical voices and signature, scanning, red eye.

Not long ago, I heard rumors that the 2-hour Galactica movie, Razor, would flash back to the first Cylon war, and that this might feature the appearance of some Cylon models more familiar to us Galactica old timers. SciFi later decided to carve out these "flashback" sequences and turn them into two-minute episodes that would air as promotional spots as as webisodes, so I didn't even have to wait until the late-November premier of Razor to find out.

Well, my hopes were raised in Flashback #3, where a young William Adama fights against some decidedly retro-style Cylon raiders. The big pay-off, though is is Flashback #4, where Adama comes face to face with a Cylon pilot. Yes, it's old-school. No, it doesn't look like a guy in a suit this time. Yes, I am pleased.

Okay, I am a geek.

Okay, so I loved how the old Cylons looked and how they sounded, but lets face it, they were never a fraction of the threat that the new guys are. And thus the inspiration for this week's cartoon. See, those old Cylons could never hit the broad side of a barn. In fact, a archetypal old-Galactica scene would be to have Starbuck or Apollow (or both) encounter a group of Cylons in a corridor somewhere. The Cylons would shoot first, and despite our heroes making no effort to take cover, they would miss. In fact, the Cylons could fire any number of rounds and they would seem to hit anything but the heroes standing in plain sight. Then Starbuck (or Apollo, or both) would squeeze off a singled shot, which would explode the dead-center of the nearest Cylon's chest, and it would fall down. Wash, rinse, repeat, until you run out of Cylons to shoot.

So for years, whenever my wife and I have seen TV or movie villains (or their minions) who couldn't seem to shoot straight when it came to hitting the good-guys, we identified them as graduates of the "Cylon School of Marksmanship." Well, finally, after all these years, we get to see how the process works.

See you guys next week.

- Steve

Minions #86 - One Heartbeat Away

Lots of stuff going on this week, so be sure to scroll down and check our our entire message!


CLICK ON IMAGE FOR LARGER VERSION

Don't miss the latest ravings of a lunatic madman, your Minion Master, following the usual commercial gruel...

While waiting for your impending doom, shop:
THE MINION'S LAIR OF MERCHANDISE
"If you're not 100% satisfied, then the beatings will begin!"

and

NUMBER TWO'S HOUSE OF NAUGHTY
(Oh, come on. You know you want to be naughty!)

Join the Minions reminder email list or we will send a presidential candidate to kiss all your babies!* It's free, it's easy, and you'll never miss a Minions at Work cartoon (or if you do, it won't be our fault!)

*Actually, we're just going to send Minion Number Two and he's just going to bruise the little tyke's face with his gas-mask. This, however, is still better than being kissed by the candidate.)

A message to ground-zero from your fearless leader:

Greetings, prisoners of gravity,


It's back to the dungeons this week. We only occasionally do anything like topical humor here, but I like this one, so here it is. My biggest concern, in looking back at things, is that the similar cartoon featuring Martha Stewart a month or so back is the first cartoon in a long time to get no comments from you guys. Does that mean you hated the concept, hate Martha, don't know who Martha is, or maybe just your fingers seize up that week. I just don't know. So let me know if this sort of thing amuses you or not. There's something about Number Two staring into a darkened cell that just sets my mind working.


On another note, we've got a new Star Trek the Next Generation Ebook out from Pocket Books. It's called "A Sea of Troubles," the first installment (though it stands alone) in a six-part epic that will fill in the lost year of the U.S.S. Enterprise E's history before the movie Star Trek: First Contact. It's the time of the Dominion War (as seen in the TV series Star Trek: Deep Space Nine) and though she's far away from the front-lines on her shakedown cruise, even the Enterprise can't escape the deadly threat of the Dominion. Check it out on the publisher's site. It's available for immediate download for about the price of a Happy Meal at McDonalds, and it probably tastes better too!


Those of you cool people who are on our weekly reminder mailing list already know about the Minions at Work 2008 photo-calendar I've been working on. Well, it's finished! (When I originally posted this earlier today, I said that it wasn't quite ready and not to order it until I gave the word. Well, I'm giving the word! I spent the evening re-editing all the images and it should be 100% ready to go now! Oh, and it also now has a title. It's the Minions at Work - Evil in WIDESCREEN (Where Available) 2008 Calendar!) It's now available for for purchase at our Cafe Press Store! It's high-quality, spiral wire bound, printed on thick 100-pound weight, high-gloss cover stock. Decorate your faceless cubical-of-doom, or give it as the perfect holiday gift!

And with that, my regular plea to share "Minions at Work" with friends and family, and to drop us a note or, better yet, leave a comment here on the blog. Because love to hear from you.

- Steve

Minions #85 - Job Insecurity

Don't miss the latest ravings of a lunatic madman, your Minion Master, following the usual annoying noise...

While waiting for your impending doom, shop:
THE MINION'S LAIR OF MERCHANDISE
"If you're not 100% satisfied, then the beatings will begin!"

and

NUMBER TWO'S HOUSE OF NAUGHTY
(Oh, come on. You know you want to be naughty!)

Join the Minions reminder email list or we will send a presidential candidate to kiss all your babies!* It's free, it's easy, and you'll never miss a Minions at Work cartoon (or if you do, it won't be our fault!)

*Actually, we're just going to send Minion Number Two and he's just going to bruise the little tyke's face with his gas-mask. This, however, is still better than being kissed by the candidate.)

A message to ground-zero from your fearless leader:

Greetings, collateral damage,


We have a slogan here at Minions Central: "It's a tough job, but somebody has to do it!" Which is why, whenever possible, we pass the buck to a low-paid, expendable flunky.

Basically, there are two kinds of people in the world. The people who make up these stupid slogans, and the people who get stuck with the crap-ass jobs. We know what kind of person we want to be. How about you?

Hey, have you checked our sidebar lately? I'm always tinkering with it, updating the Evil List of Good Names for Rock Bands and the The Incomplete List of Evil Overlords and Super-villains, passing along new messages from our characters, and updating links. So check it out. You may be missing fun stuff.

Speaking of, maybe you've wondered who gets on The Incomplete List of Evil Overlords and Super-villains. Surely, there's no shortage of candidates, but in truth, you'll not find many real terrorists or murderers, or violent criminals there. Instead, I skim the current news for people, companies, agencies, or very occasionally, things that (in my evil opinion) annoy or offend on a grand scale, the sort of pervasive but low-level evil that rarely gets acknowledged as such. I usually don't explain who (or what) they are, or why they're on the list. I leave it to you to go do a little searching (Google's News Search is always a good place to start).

Know somebody you think should be on the list? Drop me a note. If I agree, I'll put them up.

And with that, my regular plea to share "Minions at Work" with friends and family, and to drop us a note or, better yet, leave a comment here on the blog. Because love to hear from you.

- Steve

Minions #84 - Big Cheese

Click on cartoon for full-sized version.

Don't miss the latest ravings of a lunatic madman, your Minion Master, following the usual annoying noise...

While waiting for your impending doom, shop:
THE MINION'S LAIR OF MERCHANDISE
"If you're not 100% satisfied, then the beatings will begin!"

and

NUMBER TWO'S HOUSE OF NAUGHTY
(Oh, come on. You know you want to be naughty!)

Join the Minions reminder email list or we will send a presidential candidate to kiss all your babies!* It's free, it's easy, and you'll never miss a Minions at Work cartoon (or if you do, it won't be our fault!)

*Actually, we're just going to send Minion Number Two and he's just going to bruise the little tyke's face with his gas-mask. This, however, is still better than being kissed by the candidate.)

A message about milk - it does a baddie good:

Greetings, Swiss Army Knaves,


"Dinosaur Milk." It makes me laugh to say it. I makes me laugh to type it. Same with "Dinosaur Cheese."

"Dinosaur Cheese." There. I did it again.



And with that, my regular plea to share "Minions at Work" with friends and family, and to drop us a note or, better yet, leave a comment here on the blog. We love to hear from you.

See you next week.

-Steve

Minions #83 - Guarding Martha

Don't miss the latest ravings of a lunatic madman, your Minion Master, following the usual annoying noise...

While waiting for your impending doom, shop:
THE MINION'S LAIR OF MERCHANDISE
"If you're not 100% satisfied, then the beatings will begin!"

and

NUMBER TWO'S HOUSE OF NAUGHTY
(Oh, come on. You know you want to be naughty!)

Join the Minions reminder email list or we will send a presidential candidate to kiss all your babies!* It's free, it's easy, and you'll never miss a Minions at Work cartoon (or if you do, it won't be our fault!)

*Actually, we're just going to send Minion Number Two and he's just going to bruise the little tyke's face with his gas-mask. This, however, is still better than being kissed by the candidate.)

An now a lovely idea for making a festive fall wreath out of human bones, courtesy of your Minion Master.

Greetings, Jail Birds,


I'm running late again this week. Life gets in the way sometimes. But at least I'm not sporting the latest "in" celebrity accessory that everyone is wearing, the ankle bracelet. (And I'm not talking about a lovely gold number with a penguin charm either!) Thank goodness that our law enforcement system is busy keeping us safe from a woman who can bake a Thanksgiving turkey covered in decorative puff-pastry! That's evil, man!


Actually, Martha would make a great Evil Overlord. She has an evil empire. She has a lair (with an evil herb garden out back, an evil craft lab, and an evil China-closet the size of a blimp-hangar), and she has a plan to rule the world. Also, if you pay close attention, I'll just bet that most of the heavy lifting around Casa-Martha is done by a legion of Minions.

And has jail ended her evil ways? No way! Before jail, you could find Martha Stewart products in K-Mart. Now, post-jail, you can find them in Macy's! You go girl! Just remember to look us up for all your Minion needs! (Quick, guys! Stock up on puff-pastry!)

Till next week...

-Steve.

Minions #82 - Working for Scale

Don't miss the latest ravings of a lunatic madman, your Minion Master, following the usual annoying noise...

While waiting for your impending doom, shop:
THE MINION'S LAIR OF MERCHANDISE
"If you're not 100% satisfied, then the beatings will begin!"

and

NUMBER TWO'S HOUSE OF NAUGHTY
(Oh, come on. You know you want to be naughty!)

Join the Minions reminder email list or we will send a presidential candidate to kiss all your babies!* It's free, it's easy, and you'll never miss a Minions at Work cartoon (or if you do, it won't be our fault!)

*Actually, we're just going to send Minion Number Two and he's just going to bruise the little tyke's face with his gas-mask. This, however, is still better than being kissed by the candidate.)

An now some dire direction from your Minion Foreman.

Greetings, Mazer Mice,


We're back working on that darned maze this week. Sure but this would be a lot easier if they'd just use corn-stalks and pumpkins, but it's just not their way.

Lots of life-stuff going on this week, so I'm going to keep it short and sweet.

See you back here at the lair next Monday. Bring your friends!

-Steve

Minions #81 - Urban Legend

Click on cartoon for full-sized version.

Don't miss the latest ravings of a lunatic madman, your Minion Master, following the usual annoying noise...

While waiting for your impending doom, shop:
THE MINION'S LAIR OF MERCHANDISE
"If you're not 100% satisfied, then the beatings will begin!"

and

NUMBER TWO'S HOUSE OF NAUGHTY
(Oh, come on. You know you want to be naughty!)

Join the Minions reminder email list or we will send a presidential candidate to kiss all your babies!* It's free, it's easy, and you'll never miss a Minions at Work cartoon (or if you do, it won't be our fault!)

*Actually, we're just going to send Minion Number Two and he's just going to bruise the little tyke's face with his gas-mask. This, however, is still better than being kissed by the candidate.)

This message actually happened to my best friend's cousin:

Greetings, Microwave Poodles,

I really don't think there's much to say about this week's panel except that there are two sides to every story. Sometimes more.

I'm still working to build up an inventory of Minions goodies for you here, to insure that you get new content every week come hell or high water. In fact, I've just put together the biggest Minions set ever. Uh, now I just need some jokes to go with it. But they're coming, honest!

I really feel much better when I've got a month or two of panels saved up here. It gives me flexibility when life throws things my way (like a recent family illness, fortunately with a happen ending, that just kept me distracted for a couple weeks, the pesky virus that had the Minions Mainframe coughing up blood for most of a week). Having an inventory of cartoons also lets me put together bigger and more elaborate sets and props without the worry of having to meet a weekly schedule. Good for me. Good for you.

Well, that's all for now. See you back here at the lair next Monday.

- Big Steve, Minion Master

Minions #80 - Head in a Maze

Click on cartoon for full-sized version.

Don't miss the latest ravings of a lunatic madman, your Minion Master, following the usual annoying noise...

While waiting for your impending doom, shop:
THE MINION'S LAIR OF MERCHANDISE
"If you're not 100% satisfied, then the beatings will begin!"

and

NUMBER TWO'S HOUSE OF NAUGHTY
(Oh, come on. You know you want to be naughty!)

Join the Minions reminder email list or we will send a presidential candidate to kiss all your babies!* It's free, it's easy, and you'll never miss a Minions at Work cartoon (or if you do, it won't be our fault!)

*Actually, we're just going to send Minion Number Two and he's just going to bruise the little tyke's face with his gas-mask. This, however, is still better than being kissed by the candidate.)

Please proceed left-right-left-left-right-left-right-right-right-left-right to our weekly message:

Greetings, Misdirections,


Yes, summer is officially over. School has started again, and your Evil-Overlords have reclaimed your bodies, if not your minds, from your summer vacation. But now we're approaching the time of harvest, when our thoughts naturally turn to old-fashioned corn mazes filled with trip-wire laser-cannon, electrified walls, and alligator pits. Ah, nostalgia!

Speaking of working hard or hardly working, just based on our piddly Minions Reminder List numbers, I'm still not seeing the traffic around here that I'd like to. That means that you've been shluffing off. Of course, I really shouldn't expect any more than that from my Minions, and yet I do. Please do your part and share a favorite "Minions at Work" cartoon with a friend, message group, or mailing list, today! Me and all the guys and gals in their tightie-whities here surely appreciate it!

- Steve

Minons #79 - Appointment with Evil

Click on cartoon for full-sized version.

Don't miss the latest ravings of a lunatic madman, your Minion Master, following the usual annoying noise...

While waiting for your impending doom, shop:
THE MINION'S LAIR OF MERCHANDISE
"If you're not 100% satisfied, then the beatings will begin!"

and

NUMBER TWO'S HOUSE OF NAUGHTY
(Oh, come on. You know you want to be naughty!)

Join the Minions reminder email list or we will send a presidential candidate to kiss all your babies!* It's free, it's easy, and you'll never miss a Minions at Work cartoon (or if you do, it won't be our fault!)

*Actually, we're just going to send Minion Number Two and he's just going to bruise the little tyke's face with his gas-mask. This, however, is still better than being kissed by the candidate.)

Your call is important to us:

Greetings, music-on-hold,


We have our virus situation under control, however life has gotten complicated here in other ways I won't go into. Serve it to say, I don't really like to throw the exact same set (and pretty much the same setup) at you two weeks in a row, but that's how it worked this week.

Anyway, technically, if I was going to throw a Harry Potter tribute at you, I should have done it when book #7 came out, or when the most recent movie was released. But as it happens, I've finally been reading the books for the first time in a grand Potter marathon (I'm currently about 2/3 of the way through Order of the Phoenix) and so I've had Potter-on-the-brain recently. And when I was thinking, "what else could I do with this front-desk set," this just came to mind. Hope you enjoy...

-Steve

Minions #78 - Rude Reception

Click on cartoon for full-sized version.

Don't miss the latest ravings of a lunatic madman, your Minion Master, following the usual annoying noise...

While waiting for your impending doom, shop:
THE MINION'S LAIR OF MERCHANDISE
"If you're not 100% satisfied, then the beatings will begin!"

and

NUMBER TWO'S HOUSE OF NAUGHTY
(Oh, come on. You know you want to be naughty!)

Join the Minions reminder email list or we will send a presidential candidate to kiss all your babies!* It's free, it's easy, and you'll never miss a Minions at Work cartoon (or if you do, it won't be our fault!)

*Actually, we're just going to send the Penguin in a red-white-and-blue tie. We don't have the heart to tell him that he finished last in the Iowa straw poll. (Do you? Man, you ARE evil!)

Your call is important to us:

Greetings, music-on-hold,


Our Minion Mainframe is suffering from virus problems this week (I blame the forces of Good) so I'm going to keep this short. Never let it be said that we don't work through adversity, so long as there's a triple-time adversity-bonus.

If our battle against good (and adware) prevails, we'll see you next week.

-Steve