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Sunday, December 23, 2007

Minons #95 - Santa's Chair


Your eyes are important to us, please read an important message from your Minion Master, following the usual commercial music on hold...

While waiting for your impending doom, pick up a Minions at Work 2008 Calendar or other great gift:
"Where all our customers are satisfied, because those are the ones we allow to live!"



(Oh, come on. You know you want to be naughty!)

Join the Minions reminder email list or we will send a presidential candidate to kiss all your babies!* It's free, it's easy, and you'll never miss a Minions at Work cartoon (or if you do, it won't be our fault!)

*Actually, we're just going to send Minion Number Two and he's just going to bruise the little tyke's face with his gas-mask. This, however, is still better than being kissed by the candidate.)

Please wait for the next available Santa. No beard pulling, and one present per customer. Santa already knows if you're naughty or nice, so no belaboring the point. Remember that Santa's sleigh does not come equipped with GPS, so all letters to Santa should include a full street address, a zip code, and a day-time phone number. Santa is not responsible for lost or misplaced gifts, especially if they have a value of over five figures, or weigh over a ton. Okay, we admit it. We dropped your freaking Porsche in a snow bank, okay? The reindeer were TIRED! Next!

Greetings, Lap-warmers,

It's been a big day here at the Lair. I had just finished upgrading the evil mainframe (big, new LCD monitor, added a 300gig hard-drive, and a new DVD burner, all of which will be applied to the advancement of future evil Minions projects) when a mysterious call sent my wife Chris into her place of employment (a beachfront resort hotel here on the Oregon coast) in response to an "emergency." There, she was ambushed and forced to participate in an evil scheme, calling to tell me that there had been "flooding" at work, but she'd be home in a minute, which made no sense at all.

She showed up on the doorstep a few minutes later and shouted, "look what I found!" What she'd found was our son and his family, up from California unannounced, including the lovely grandbaby Zoe! Yikes! Our evil plans have been totally outdone! How will we top this one without crashing the Earth into the Sun? (Which is on our "to-do" list, by the way, right after "paint the evil garage.")

Anyway, our Christmas is much brighter. Drat! We had a simply grand funk coming on.

Hope you all have a safe and happy holiday, however you celebrate. Stay warm in your lairs, give your Minions an extra helping of gruel, watch out for the forces of Good, and Santa might just drop something special down the throat of your hollow volcano. Whoops, I don't think that's Santa. I think it's James Bond!


-See you next week!


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