Minions #99 - Boss Beverage

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Your eyes are important to us, please read an important message from your Minion Master, following the usual commercial music on hold...

While waiting for your impending doom, pick up a Minions at Work 2008 Calendar or other great gift:
THE MINION'S LAIR OF MERCHANDISE
"Where all our customers are satisfied, because those are the ones we allow to live!"

and

NUMBER TWO'S HOUSE OF NAUGHTY
(Oh, come on. You know you want to be naughty!)

Join the Minions reminder email list or we will send a presidential candidate to kiss all your babies!* It's free, it's easy, and you'll never miss a Minions at Work cartoon (or if you do, it won't be our fault!)

*Actually, we're just going to send Minion Number Two and he's just going to bruise the little tyke's face with his gas-mask. This, however, is still better than being kissed by the candidate.)


A belated message from your Minion Master

Greetings, Minimals!

You know, those big, round, numbers are absolutely what kill web comics. I've seen this happen before. The comic creator has in mind to do something really SPECIAL for their 100 (or 200th, or 500th) installment, and they bite off more than they can chew, and then its late, and then the pressure is on, and it's later, and it gets worse, and finally they lose all momentum and give up.

Well, that will never happen here!

Okay, maybe it will. But we WILL NOT be giving up. Minions at Work #100 IS a major undertaking, and I'm still working on it, but we WILL get it done and we WILL get back to your regular old entertainment. Trust me. It will be worth the wait (and will set up a totally new Minions scenario which will provide countless new comic panels as time goes on).

Anyway, we'll be back next week with #100. Or if not, with something. See you then.

-Steve

Not Minons #99 - An announcment from Minion #9

Hey, ya'll. Minion Number 9 here. Steve has asked me to let you know that he's so busy working on Minons At Work #100 that, rather than take time out to dash-off some half-assed cartoon this week, he decided to take a pass this Monday. Doesn't mean that a cartoon won't show up at some point this week. Might. Might not. Just he's not going to put pressure on one way or another.

And hey, while I've got your attention, I just wanted to point out that it's Martin Luther King Jr. day today, and that we at Minions at Work are firmly devoted to the principle that all Minions are created equal, and that each of us, regardless of race, creed, skin-color or the thickness of our eyebrows, are entitled to equal opportunity in employment, housing, education, and to not suffer any MORE oppression than any other Minion under the jack-boots of the evil overlords who trample us all. So reach out to your fellow Minions today. We all toil under the same yoke. Let us share our burdens equally.

Which brings up one other thing. I'm not even IN Minions at Work #100. What the H*#L is up with that? Get me my agent-overlord, Major Percentage, on the phone!

Not feeling the love,
-Number 9

Minions #98 - Don't Asgard, Don't Tell

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Your eyes are important to us, please read an important message from your Minion Master, following the usual commercial music on hold...

While waiting for your impending doom, pick up a Minions at Work 2008 Calendar or other great gift:
THE MINION'S LAIR OF MERCHANDISE
"Where all our customers are satisfied, because those are the ones we allow to live!"

and

NUMBER TWO'S HOUSE OF NAUGHTY
(Oh, come on. You know you want to be naughty!)

Join the Minions reminder email list or we will send a presidential candidate to kiss all your babies!* It's free, it's easy, and you'll never miss a Minions at Work cartoon (or if you do, it won't be our fault!)

*Actually, we're just going to send Minion Number Two and he's just going to bruise the little tyke's face with his gas-mask. This, however, is still better than being kissed by the candidate.)


Kneel before yet another message from your Minion God

Greetings, Anubis Noobs!



Okay, I couldn't resist having one more go with Stargate before we move on.

Also, I didn't want to put together another set while I'm working on something special for Minons at Work #100. In truth, I hope I haven't bitten off more than I can chew, with only two weeks left, and it isn't like I don't have other things to be doing here (like, oh, I don't know, WRITING BOOKS!).

But I'm going to do my best to deliver. In fact, I will deliver. The big question, will we have to skip straight from Minions at Work #99 to Minions at Work #101 while I get #100 finished?

See you guys next week.

- Stevenubis.

Minions #97 - Staff Weapon

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Your eyes are important to us, please read an important message from your Minion Master, following the usual commercial music on hold...

While waiting for your impending doom, pick up a Minions at Work 2008 Calendar or other great gift:
THE MINION'S LAIR OF MERCHANDISE
"Where all our customers are satisfied, because those are the ones we allow to live!"

and

NUMBER TWO'S HOUSE OF NAUGHTY
(Oh, come on. You know you want to be naughty!)

Join the Minions reminder email list or we will send a presidential candidate to kiss all your babies!* It's free, it's easy, and you'll never miss a Minions at Work cartoon (or if you do, it won't be our fault!)

*Actually, we're just going to send Minion Number Two and he's just going to bruise the little tyke's face with his gas-mask. This, however, is still better than being kissed by the candidate.)

A message from your Minion God

Greetings, Anubis Noobs!

A little tip of the hat this week to the Stargate universe. I don't know if you knew, but while Stargate SG-1, the series is gone, a direct-to-DVD Stargate SG-1 movie The Ark of Truth, is scheduled for release in March, with a second movie, Stargate Continuum, to follow. (Continuum features the return of one of our favorite evil-doers, the Goa'uld Bal. Frankly, we think the Goa'uld have way more style than the Ori, and Bal the best bad the Goa'uld have to offer. Looking forward to it.

Okay, we're geeks here at Minion central. We admit it.

- See you next week
Lord Steve

Minions #96 - Lab Work

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Your eyes are important to us, please read an important message from your Minion Master, following the usual commercial music on hold...

While waiting for your impending doom, pick up a Minions at Work 2008 Calendar or other great gift:
THE MINION'S LAIR OF MERCHANDISE
"Where all our customers are satisfied, because those are the ones we allow to live!"

and

NUMBER TWO'S HOUSE OF NAUGHTY
(Oh, come on. You know you want to be naughty!)

Join the Minions reminder email list or we will send a presidential candidate to kiss all your babies!* It's free, it's easy, and you'll never miss a Minions at Work cartoon (or if you do, it won't be our fault!)

*Actually, we're just going to send Minion Number Two and he's just going to bruise the little tyke's face with his gas-mask. This, however, is still better than being kissed by the candidate.)

A New Years message from your Minion Master

Greetings, Leap-years!

Okay, it's been a big week here, what with the unannounced invasion by our Son and his family, so we're running late, and this may not be our "A" material. LIVE WITH IT! Back to normal next year.

Have a safe and happy New Year.

-Steve

Minons #95 - Santa's Chair

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Your eyes are important to us, please read an important message from your Minion Master, following the usual commercial music on hold...

While waiting for your impending doom, pick up a Minions at Work 2008 Calendar or other great gift:
THE MINION'S LAIR OF MERCHANDISE
"Where all our customers are satisfied, because those are the ones we allow to live!"

and

NUMBER TWO'S HOUSE OF NAUGHTY
(Oh, come on. You know you want to be naughty!)

Join the Minions reminder email list or we will send a presidential candidate to kiss all your babies!* It's free, it's easy, and you'll never miss a Minions at Work cartoon (or if you do, it won't be our fault!)

*Actually, we're just going to send Minion Number Two and he's just going to bruise the little tyke's face with his gas-mask. This, however, is still better than being kissed by the candidate.)

Please wait for the next available Santa. No beard pulling, and one present per customer. Santa already knows if you're naughty or nice, so no belaboring the point. Remember that Santa's sleigh does not come equipped with GPS, so all letters to Santa should include a full street address, a zip code, and a day-time phone number. Santa is not responsible for lost or misplaced gifts, especially if they have a value of over five figures, or weigh over a ton. Okay, we admit it. We dropped your freaking Porsche in a snow bank, okay? The reindeer were TIRED! Next!

Greetings, Lap-warmers,

It's been a big day here at the Lair. I had just finished upgrading the evil mainframe (big, new LCD monitor, added a 300gig hard-drive, and a new DVD burner, all of which will be applied to the advancement of future evil Minions projects) when a mysterious call sent my wife Chris into her place of employment (a beachfront resort hotel here on the Oregon coast) in response to an "emergency." There, she was ambushed and forced to participate in an evil scheme, calling to tell me that there had been "flooding" at work, but she'd be home in a minute, which made no sense at all.

She showed up on the doorstep a few minutes later and shouted, "look what I found!" What she'd found was our son and his family, up from California unannounced, including the lovely grandbaby Zoe! Yikes! Our evil plans have been totally outdone! How will we top this one without crashing the Earth into the Sun? (Which is on our "to-do" list, by the way, right after "paint the evil garage.")

Anyway, our Christmas is much brighter. Drat! We had a simply grand funk coming on.

Hope you all have a safe and happy holiday, however you celebrate. Stay warm in your lairs, give your Minions an extra helping of gruel, watch out for the forces of Good, and Santa might just drop something special down the throat of your hollow volcano. Whoops, I don't think that's Santa. I think it's James Bond!

DUCK!

-See you next week!

-Steve

Minions #94 - Truth Hurts

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Your eyes are important to us, please read an important message from your Minion Master, following the usual commercial music on hold...

While waiting for your impending doom, pick up a Minions at Work 2008 Calendar or other great gift:
THE MINION'S LAIR OF MERCHANDISE
"Where all our customers are satisfied, because those are the ones we allow to live!"

and

NUMBER TWO'S HOUSE OF NAUGHTY
(Oh, come on. You know you want to be naughty!)

Join the Minions reminder email list or we will send a presidential candidate to kiss all your babies!* It's free, it's easy, and you'll never miss a Minions at Work cartoon (or if you do, it won't be our fault!)

*Actually, we're just going to send Minion Number Two and he's just going to bruise the little tyke's face with his gas-mask. This, however, is still better than being kissed by the candidate.)

Please hold for a message from the next available Minion Master...

Greetings, Minimal Ones,

Here we are closing in on the end of another year of unrepentant evil, and I realize that we're rapidly coming up on Minions at Work number 100! I'd love to say I have something special planned, but to be honest, I haven't got a clue yet. Got any ideas for what Minions #100 should be about? Drop us a note or comment. I might post some of the better ones. Heck, I might even use some of your ideas! Get to it!

We're still behind on everything here after the storm. I still have wreck of a shed in the front yard that needs cleaning up, and stuff formerly stored in said shed stacked all over my house. There's the usual unrelenting string of Christmas shopping, parties, events, and visitors to take care up. I do not feel in the Christmas spirit. Perhaps I should destroy Australia. Or maybe I'll just eat some more gingerbread and brood. Probably the brooding...

- Steve

Minions #93 - Holiday Spirit

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Don't miss the latest reality programming from your Minion Master, following the usual commercial rerun...

While waiting for your impending doom, shop:
THE MINION'S LAIR OF MERCHANDISE
"Where all our customers are satisfied, because those are the ones we allow to live!"

and

NUMBER TWO'S HOUSE OF NAUGHTY
(Oh, come on. You know you want to be naughty!)

Join the Minions reminder email list or we will send a presidential candidate to kiss all your babies!* It's free, it's easy, and you'll never miss a Minions at Work cartoon (or if you do, it won't be our fault!)

*Actually, we're just going to send Minion Number Two and he's just going to bruise the little tyke's face with his gas-mask. This, however, is still better than being kissed by the candidate.)

QUIET ON THE SET! ANOTHER BULL-HORN BLAST FROM YOUR MINION MASTER:

Greetings, Extras,

Well, we've survived the Great Storm of 2007 here on the Oregon coast. (At least I hope so. Not that I doubt we survived. Just that I hope this was actually the Great Storm of 2007. If it isn't really here yet, I don't want to know about it. Well, yeah, I do, so I can move safely inland first!) See previous posts and links to my regular blog for details and pictures.

Actually, at this point, there's nothing I'd like more than to kick back and slack off for a while, but I used up the last cartoon in inventory last week. So I had to come up with something quick, and I thought, why not get the holiday season started a little early this year? Actually, I'm pretty happy this one (and it gets a big thumbs up from Chris). Now, on to thinking something up for next week.

See you then.

-Steve

Storm warning

We're still alive out here. Details and some pictures on my regular blog.

Minions #92 - Replacement Value

(Yes, I know the cartoon actually has "Minions" incorrectly spelled. I'll fix it after the storms pass!)


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Don't miss the latest reality programming from your Minion Master, following the usual commercial rerun...

While waiting for your impending doom, shop:
THE MINION'S LAIR OF MERCHANDISE
"Where all our customers are satisfied, because those are the ones we allow to live!"

and

NUMBER TWO'S HOUSE OF NAUGHTY
(Oh, come on. You know you want to be naughty!)

Join the Minions reminder email list or we will send a presidential candidate to kiss all your babies!* It's free, it's easy, and you'll never miss a Minions at Work cartoon (or if you do, it won't be our fault!)

*Actually, we're just going to send Minion Number Two and he's just going to bruise the little tyke's face with his gas-mask. This, however, is still better than being kissed by the candidate.)

A Live Report From Hurricane Central from your Minion Master:

Greetings, Gale-force Friends,


Just a quick note now. Maybe I'll add more later, but we're braced for a serious storm here, and I'm expecting the power to go out any moment. Didn't have time to do a new cartoon this week, so I'm pulling the last one out of my inventory without hardly even checking to see what it is. Hope it's funny! Maybe! Hopefully I'll be back in the Minion business after this blows over (ha!) Monday afternoon. See you on the other side... (Possibly I'll update this later in the week, if I'm able, and if there's something to report...)

-Stormy Steve

Minions #91 - Having a Blast

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Don't miss the latest reality programming from your Minion Master, following the usual commercial rerun...

While waiting for your impending doom, shop:
THE MINION'S LAIR OF MERCHANDISE
"Where all our customers are satisfied, because those are the ones we allow to live!"

and

NUMBER TWO'S HOUSE OF NAUGHTY
(Oh, come on. You know you want to be naughty!)

Join the Minions reminder email list or we will send a presidential candidate to kiss all your babies!* It's free, it's easy, and you'll never miss a Minions at Work cartoon (or if you do, it won't be our fault!)

*Actually, we're just going to send Minion Number Two and he's just going to bruise the little tyke's face with his gas-mask. This, however, is still better than being kissed by the candidate.)

Counting down to a new message from your Fearless (more or less) Leader:

Greetings, Blast Deflectors,


Some friendly seasonal advice here: Always remember to read and follow the operating instructions. This applies to nuclear death missiles, or Christmas lights. Just sayin'.

Hey, if you haven't seen them, I posted a few photos from my Las Vegas trip last week. Find them here.

Lots to catch up on now that I'm home (including shooting some new MaW panels, so I'll keep this short. See you back here next week.

-Steve

Live From Las Vegas

Since several of you have expressed curiosity about my Las Vegas trip, a couple pictures of your Minion Master on-site.

Here I am at a shop in Caesar's Palace, checking out the latest item in the "Minions at Work" toy line. Every rug-rat needs a Minionmobile of their very own!

And here I am at the Orleans Casino auditioning a potential new cast member...

Minions #90 - Unscripted

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Don't miss the latest reality programming from your Minion Master, following the usual commercial rerun...

While waiting for your impending doom, shop:
THE MINION'S LAIR OF MERCHANDISE
"Where all our customers are satisfied, because those are the ones we allow to live!"

and

NUMBER TWO'S HOUSE OF NAUGHTY
(Oh, come on. You know you want to be naughty!)

Join the Minions reminder email list or we will send a presidential candidate to kiss all your babies!* It's free, it's easy, and you'll never miss a Minions at Work cartoon (or if you do, it won't be our fault!)

*Actually, we're just going to send Minion Number Two and he's just going to bruise the little tyke's face with his gas-mask. This, however, is still better than being kissed by the candidate.)

An unscripted message from your Fearless Leader:

Uh, is this thing on? Hi, mom! Testing one, two, three,


Hoo needs ritters anyways? All thay doo is rite the skrips. Qualatay mooves and telavizion kums frum Gaud, 2 thu direkor, tu the aktor, two U. Thiss wuz inventad bi thu Frinch. Thay kall it thu "otter theery." Everbaudy nos thiz. Ritters R slitely les impourtant thn thee gye hoo dryves D-livers th pourtabl toylets tu tha lokation. Whoo kneads thym?

Orr az Nummer Won wood sae...

Sea U nxt weak.

-Stebe

Ha, ha! Humor! Actually, most directors are fine and wonderful folk, and their contract is coming up for renegotiation soon too. It's the management and the media corporation who are the issue here. Management. (Special note to Mr. Michael Bay. Please, please, sir, don't bring down and air-strike on my ass!)

Minions #89 - Jaws of a Dilemma

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Don't miss the latest ravings of a lunatic madman, your Minion Master, following the usual commercial bite our of your wallet...

While waiting for your impending doom, shop:
THE MINION'S LAIR OF MERCHANDISE
"Where all our customers are satisfied, because those are the ones we allow to live!"

and

NUMBER TWO'S HOUSE OF NAUGHTY
(Oh, come on. You know you want to be naughty!)

Join the Minions reminder email list or we will send a presidential candidate to kiss all your babies!* It's free, it's easy, and you'll never miss a Minions at Work cartoon (or if you do, it won't be our fault!)

*Actually, we're just going to send Minion Number Two and he's just going to bruise the little tyke's face with his gas-mask. This, however, is still better than being kissed by the candidate.)

A cautionary message from your fearless leader:

Greetings, beneficiaries,


That reminds me, as (those of you in the U.S. anyway) celebrate Thanksgiving next week, remember not to bite off more than you can chew. As for your Minion Master, I'm loading up the escape pod for a quick ballistic arc over to Las Vegas, where I'll be working with my son on a new writing project. (Hey, off-season rooms are obscenely cheap, so is food, and Chris will be doing some research for a couple upcoming writing projects of her own.)

Anyway, I'll be leaving a Minions at Work cartoon set to go for you folks next week, but it may or may not go out exactly on schedule, depending on my internet access at the time.

Lets face it, a Las Vegas casino is kind of like a lair with more neon and better access to out-call escorts. Heck, it even has evil masterminds watching your every move through hidden cameras, and a plot to part the unsuspecting from their money and to get away with it Scott-free. From a villain's standpoint, you've got just got to admire the whole operation. So consider it Minions at Work research too. So, we're off.

And don't worry about Number Two folks. He's got more lives than a cockroach, and twice as much resistance to DDT. He'll be fine just as soon as they reattach his legs. And that will happen just as soon as they find them.

See you (remotely), next week.

- Steve

Minions #88 - Relative Beauty

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Don't miss the latest ravings of a lunatic madman, your Minion Master, following the usual commercial misfire...

While waiting for your impending doom, shop:
THE MINION'S LAIR OF MERCHANDISE
"If you're not 100% satisfied, then the beatings will begin!"

and

NUMBER TWO'S HOUSE OF NAUGHTY
(Oh, come on. You know you want to be naughty!)

Join the Minions reminder email list or we will send a presidential candidate to kiss all your babies!* It's free, it's easy, and you'll never miss a Minions at Work cartoon (or if you do, it won't be our fault!)

*Actually, we're just going to send Minion Number Two and he's just going to bruise the little tyke's face with his gas-mask. This, however, is still better than being kissed by the candidate.)

A rambling greeting from your rambling leader:

Greetings, fellow-travelers,




Do me a favor! Take a moment to click on the Web Comic List icon at the top of our sidebar, create a log-on, and choose "Minions at Work" as one of your favorite web comics! If you have a mind, you can also leave a comment while you're there. Doing so will push us up their popularity list, and hopefully bring more people to check out our site. It just takes a couple minutes, so give it a try (and maybe find some other cool web comics while you're at it).

It's another one of those weeks, where I wonder if y'all will be laughing or just scratching your heads. I thought it was funny, but I'm strange. Just in case, I've whipped up a little bonus content for you, another of our famous parody Minions magazine covers. Click on the small picture for a larger version, and enjoy. (I've got to print some of these out as mini-magazines and start using them as props for future cartoons.)

To give you some background on this week's cartoon, let me just say that I live at the beach. A really beautiful beach, in my opinion, on the Oregon coast, and having lived her for many years now I just can't imagine living anywhere else. Well, at least anywhere far from waves, sand, trees, and mountains.

Yet I do leave here sometimes. I like to travel, almost as much as I like coming home. And as I've driven across the country, I've seen many beautiful things. But I've also been many places so ugly, so unplesant, that, if they were a Wookie, you'd shave their butts and make them walk backwards.

These are the kinds of places that I can't drive through fast enough, that I can't imagine voluntarily stopping at, and God-help-me if there isn't usually somebody who apparently choses to live there!

Why?

I mean, it isn't as though there aren't plenty of better places to live, often within a few hours drive. It isn't as though there are great jobs in these places. Often I wonder what people there do at all, but when the economic base is apparent, it usually has to do with A: known carcinogens, B: horrible working conditions, C: high worker mortality, and D: low pay.

In other words, it's pretty much like being a Minion.

Is it just momentum? Are these people simply to ignorant that there's life beyond the radioactive fish-mine or the lead-paint tasting industry? No, they must see something wonderful about where they live and work. I can only figure that, as bad as their place is, they know somewhere even worse!

God help us all.

See you next week, where-ever you live,

-Steve

Minions #87 - Off Target

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Don't miss the latest ravings of a lunatic madman, your Minion Master, following the usual commercial misfire...

While waiting for your impending doom, shop:
THE MINION'S LAIR OF MERCHANDISE
"If you're not 100% satisfied, then the beatings will begin!"

and

NUMBER TWO'S HOUSE OF NAUGHTY
(Oh, come on. You know you want to be naughty!)

Join the Minions reminder email list or we will send a presidential candidate to kiss all your babies!* It's free, it's easy, and you'll never miss a Minions at Work cartoon (or if you do, it won't be our fault!)

*Actually, we're just going to send Minion Number Two and he's just going to bruise the little tyke's face with his gas-mask. This, however, is still better than being kissed by the candidate.)

A message down the firing range from your fearless leader:

Greetings, bulls-eyes,


This week I have to confess that I'm at a bit of fan-boy heaven over the return of some of my favorite TV villains, the Cylons! Okay, admittedly, the Cylons have been back for a while in Ron Moore's wonderfully reimagined version of Battlestar Galactica on the SciFi Channel.

But while the new "skin jobs" played by the likes of Grace Park and Tricia Helfer are easy on the eyes, and the new CGI metal Cylons are pretty cool, I still miss the old-school chrome-plated "toasters" with their grating, mechanical voices and signature, scanning, red eye.

Not long ago, I heard rumors that the 2-hour Galactica movie, Razor, would flash back to the first Cylon war, and that this might feature the appearance of some Cylon models more familiar to us Galactica old timers. SciFi later decided to carve out these "flashback" sequences and turn them into two-minute episodes that would air as promotional spots as as webisodes, so I didn't even have to wait until the late-November premier of Razor to find out.

Well, my hopes were raised in Flashback #3, where a young William Adama fights against some decidedly retro-style Cylon raiders. The big pay-off, though is is Flashback #4, where Adama comes face to face with a Cylon pilot. Yes, it's old-school. No, it doesn't look like a guy in a suit this time. Yes, I am pleased.

Okay, I am a geek.

Okay, so I loved how the old Cylons looked and how they sounded, but lets face it, they were never a fraction of the threat that the new guys are. And thus the inspiration for this week's cartoon. See, those old Cylons could never hit the broad side of a barn. In fact, a archetypal old-Galactica scene would be to have Starbuck or Apollow (or both) encounter a group of Cylons in a corridor somewhere. The Cylons would shoot first, and despite our heroes making no effort to take cover, they would miss. In fact, the Cylons could fire any number of rounds and they would seem to hit anything but the heroes standing in plain sight. Then Starbuck (or Apollo, or both) would squeeze off a singled shot, which would explode the dead-center of the nearest Cylon's chest, and it would fall down. Wash, rinse, repeat, until you run out of Cylons to shoot.

So for years, whenever my wife and I have seen TV or movie villains (or their minions) who couldn't seem to shoot straight when it came to hitting the good-guys, we identified them as graduates of the "Cylon School of Marksmanship." Well, finally, after all these years, we get to see how the process works.

See you guys next week.

- Steve

Minions #86 - One Heartbeat Away

Lots of stuff going on this week, so be sure to scroll down and check our our entire message!


CLICK ON IMAGE FOR LARGER VERSION

Don't miss the latest ravings of a lunatic madman, your Minion Master, following the usual commercial gruel...

While waiting for your impending doom, shop:
THE MINION'S LAIR OF MERCHANDISE
"If you're not 100% satisfied, then the beatings will begin!"

and

NUMBER TWO'S HOUSE OF NAUGHTY
(Oh, come on. You know you want to be naughty!)

Join the Minions reminder email list or we will send a presidential candidate to kiss all your babies!* It's free, it's easy, and you'll never miss a Minions at Work cartoon (or if you do, it won't be our fault!)

*Actually, we're just going to send Minion Number Two and he's just going to bruise the little tyke's face with his gas-mask. This, however, is still better than being kissed by the candidate.)

A message to ground-zero from your fearless leader:

Greetings, prisoners of gravity,


It's back to the dungeons this week. We only occasionally do anything like topical humor here, but I like this one, so here it is. My biggest concern, in looking back at things, is that the similar cartoon featuring Martha Stewart a month or so back is the first cartoon in a long time to get no comments from you guys. Does that mean you hated the concept, hate Martha, don't know who Martha is, or maybe just your fingers seize up that week. I just don't know. So let me know if this sort of thing amuses you or not. There's something about Number Two staring into a darkened cell that just sets my mind working.


On another note, we've got a new Star Trek the Next Generation Ebook out from Pocket Books. It's called "A Sea of Troubles," the first installment (though it stands alone) in a six-part epic that will fill in the lost year of the U.S.S. Enterprise E's history before the movie Star Trek: First Contact. It's the time of the Dominion War (as seen in the TV series Star Trek: Deep Space Nine) and though she's far away from the front-lines on her shakedown cruise, even the Enterprise can't escape the deadly threat of the Dominion. Check it out on the publisher's site. It's available for immediate download for about the price of a Happy Meal at McDonalds, and it probably tastes better too!


Those of you cool people who are on our weekly reminder mailing list already know about the Minions at Work 2008 photo-calendar I've been working on. Well, it's finished! (When I originally posted this earlier today, I said that it wasn't quite ready and not to order it until I gave the word. Well, I'm giving the word! I spent the evening re-editing all the images and it should be 100% ready to go now! Oh, and it also now has a title. It's the Minions at Work - Evil in WIDESCREEN (Where Available) 2008 Calendar!) It's now available for for purchase at our Cafe Press Store! It's high-quality, spiral wire bound, printed on thick 100-pound weight, high-gloss cover stock. Decorate your faceless cubical-of-doom, or give it as the perfect holiday gift!

And with that, my regular plea to share "Minions at Work" with friends and family, and to drop us a note or, better yet, leave a comment here on the blog. Because love to hear from you.

- Steve

Minions #85 - Job Insecurity

Don't miss the latest ravings of a lunatic madman, your Minion Master, following the usual annoying noise...

While waiting for your impending doom, shop:
THE MINION'S LAIR OF MERCHANDISE
"If you're not 100% satisfied, then the beatings will begin!"

and

NUMBER TWO'S HOUSE OF NAUGHTY
(Oh, come on. You know you want to be naughty!)

Join the Minions reminder email list or we will send a presidential candidate to kiss all your babies!* It's free, it's easy, and you'll never miss a Minions at Work cartoon (or if you do, it won't be our fault!)

*Actually, we're just going to send Minion Number Two and he's just going to bruise the little tyke's face with his gas-mask. This, however, is still better than being kissed by the candidate.)

A message to ground-zero from your fearless leader:

Greetings, collateral damage,


We have a slogan here at Minions Central: "It's a tough job, but somebody has to do it!" Which is why, whenever possible, we pass the buck to a low-paid, expendable flunky.

Basically, there are two kinds of people in the world. The people who make up these stupid slogans, and the people who get stuck with the crap-ass jobs. We know what kind of person we want to be. How about you?

Hey, have you checked our sidebar lately? I'm always tinkering with it, updating the Evil List of Good Names for Rock Bands and the The Incomplete List of Evil Overlords and Super-villains, passing along new messages from our characters, and updating links. So check it out. You may be missing fun stuff.

Speaking of, maybe you've wondered who gets on The Incomplete List of Evil Overlords and Super-villains. Surely, there's no shortage of candidates, but in truth, you'll not find many real terrorists or murderers, or violent criminals there. Instead, I skim the current news for people, companies, agencies, or very occasionally, things that (in my evil opinion) annoy or offend on a grand scale, the sort of pervasive but low-level evil that rarely gets acknowledged as such. I usually don't explain who (or what) they are, or why they're on the list. I leave it to you to go do a little searching (Google's News Search is always a good place to start).

Know somebody you think should be on the list? Drop me a note. If I agree, I'll put them up.

And with that, my regular plea to share "Minions at Work" with friends and family, and to drop us a note or, better yet, leave a comment here on the blog. Because love to hear from you.

- Steve

Minions #84 - Big Cheese

Click on cartoon for full-sized version.

Don't miss the latest ravings of a lunatic madman, your Minion Master, following the usual annoying noise...

While waiting for your impending doom, shop:
THE MINION'S LAIR OF MERCHANDISE
"If you're not 100% satisfied, then the beatings will begin!"

and

NUMBER TWO'S HOUSE OF NAUGHTY
(Oh, come on. You know you want to be naughty!)

Join the Minions reminder email list or we will send a presidential candidate to kiss all your babies!* It's free, it's easy, and you'll never miss a Minions at Work cartoon (or if you do, it won't be our fault!)

*Actually, we're just going to send Minion Number Two and he's just going to bruise the little tyke's face with his gas-mask. This, however, is still better than being kissed by the candidate.)

A message about milk - it does a baddie good:

Greetings, Swiss Army Knaves,


"Dinosaur Milk." It makes me laugh to say it. I makes me laugh to type it. Same with "Dinosaur Cheese."

"Dinosaur Cheese." There. I did it again.



And with that, my regular plea to share "Minions at Work" with friends and family, and to drop us a note or, better yet, leave a comment here on the blog. We love to hear from you.

See you next week.

-Steve

Minions #83 - Guarding Martha

Don't miss the latest ravings of a lunatic madman, your Minion Master, following the usual annoying noise...

While waiting for your impending doom, shop:
THE MINION'S LAIR OF MERCHANDISE
"If you're not 100% satisfied, then the beatings will begin!"

and

NUMBER TWO'S HOUSE OF NAUGHTY
(Oh, come on. You know you want to be naughty!)

Join the Minions reminder email list or we will send a presidential candidate to kiss all your babies!* It's free, it's easy, and you'll never miss a Minions at Work cartoon (or if you do, it won't be our fault!)

*Actually, we're just going to send Minion Number Two and he's just going to bruise the little tyke's face with his gas-mask. This, however, is still better than being kissed by the candidate.)

An now a lovely idea for making a festive fall wreath out of human bones, courtesy of your Minion Master.

Greetings, Jail Birds,


I'm running late again this week. Life gets in the way sometimes. But at least I'm not sporting the latest "in" celebrity accessory that everyone is wearing, the ankle bracelet. (And I'm not talking about a lovely gold number with a penguin charm either!) Thank goodness that our law enforcement system is busy keeping us safe from a woman who can bake a Thanksgiving turkey covered in decorative puff-pastry! That's evil, man!


Actually, Martha would make a great Evil Overlord. She has an evil empire. She has a lair (with an evil herb garden out back, an evil craft lab, and an evil China-closet the size of a blimp-hangar), and she has a plan to rule the world. Also, if you pay close attention, I'll just bet that most of the heavy lifting around Casa-Martha is done by a legion of Minions.

And has jail ended her evil ways? No way! Before jail, you could find Martha Stewart products in K-Mart. Now, post-jail, you can find them in Macy's! You go girl! Just remember to look us up for all your Minion needs! (Quick, guys! Stock up on puff-pastry!)

Till next week...

-Steve.