Minions #197 - End Game

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Stand by, following the usual deadly blade for a throwing star of information from your Minion Master!

Your interminable wait is important to us. To serve you better, a supervisor may feed the representative assigned to serve you to the crab parasites just before they can answer your call. It's just one more way of saying, "we care, just not about you."

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Greetings, Minions in Black!

Let me just say this up front.  I hate ninjas!  Seriously.  I hate 'em!

Oh, sure, they were amusing the first time or two I encountered them, but that was a long, long, time ago, and they quickly wore out their welcome with me.  I mean, for a while there in the 80s and 90s they were everywhere.  Every comic book.  Every movie.  Every TV show.  Every Christmas card.

GI Joe (one of them anyway, the most famous one) became a ninja.  Wolverine (a Canadian mutant with feral animal powers, what's more Ninja than that?) became a Ninja.  Batman became a ninja.  It's kind of a miracle that Superman, Wonder Woman, Captain America and the Martian Manhunter didn't become ninjas (or maybe I just missed that issue).  I think at some point back during the 80s, the Golden Girls and Joanie Loves Chachi were revealed as secret ninjas.  I think Stephen Hawking was a fricking ninja for a while there.  It was just the thing.

But when you strip away all the mystic mumbo-jumbo, the silly blood oaths and honor feuds, what is a ninja?  A sneaky guy in black jammies carrying too many sharp things.  They're all the same, and they bore the heck out of me.  They are the lowest common denominator of action characters, good and evil.  A pox on them all.

Worse, it hasn't gone away.  Even in this age of sparkly vampires and sexting, those stupid ninjas just won't go stop infesting our popular culture.  Every blasted video game in the planet has ninjas, or at least characters (often half-dressed young-women with unnaturally large breasts) running around fighting guys with ray guns and assault rifles using ninja swords, daggers, and throwing stars.  Even a recent anthology I was in, Swordplay, what's on the cover but a photograph of a danged ninja!  I will admit that I was mightily annoyed by the movie Ninja Assassin, until I learned it was a movie about killing ninjas.  Now I may have to Netflix that puppy.

So while you may seen ninjas in Minions at Work from time to time, don't be surprised if something happens to them.  Something bad.  Steve smash puny ninjas!

Hey, and a special thank-you out to Andrew Barnett who recently put a little something extra in our Christmas stocking to help keep the evil coming.  Thanks, Andrew!

See you guys next time,

                                                                                       - Steve
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