Monday, September 01, 2008
Minions #126 - Easily Discouraged
Stand by, following the usually commercial jibber-jabber for a secret message from your Minion Master!
CLICK ON IMAGES FOR LARGER VERSIONS
Your visit is important to us. Please give all your bank account and personal information to the nearest Minion and stare mindlessly at the screen for a end-of-summer message from your Minion Master, following the usual commercial interruptions.
Minions at work is inadequately supported by your purchases from our web stores and our advertisers. Help us bleed green just a little more slowly by purchasing tee-shirts, buttons, calendars, hats, undies (we kid not!), and other fine Minions at Work items at one of the following stores.
While waiting for your impending doom, pick up a Minions at Work tee-shirt or other great gift:
THE MINION'S LAIR OF MERCHANDISE
"Where the beatings will continue until all customers are satisfied!"
NUMBER TWO'S HOUSE OF NAUGHTY
(Oh, come on. You know you want to be naughty!)
Join the Minions reminder email list or we will send a presidential candidate to kiss all your babies!* It's free, it's easy, and you'll never miss a Minions at Work cartoon (or if you do, it won't be our fault!)
*Actually, we're just going to send Minion Number Two and he's just going to bruise the little tyke's face with his gas-mask. This, however, is still better than being kissed by the candidate.)
Greetings, Poor Fading Sunburns!
Yeah, it's the end of summer, a time which we greet with especially mixed feelings here at the lair. Yes, it means the good weather will go away soon, and we can look-forward to whatever surprises climate change has added to our already gray and wet winters.
But on the other hand...
THE TOURISTS ARE GONE! THE TOURISTS ARE GONE! WAHOO! WAHOO! THE TOURISTS ARE GONE!
Yeah, we live in a resort town, and man, am I glad to see them gone! Yes, we depend on them for the local economy, but unlike you guys, I can't just convince them to drop their wallet at the door and go home. No, they've got to hang around, clogging the roads, and the theaters, and the stores, and every place that serves any kind of food, and inconveniencing us by killing themselves on the beach in stupid ways.
(It's not like we want them to die. Really. With the outside voice anyway. Really, we do our very best to warn them about the rip-tides and the sneaker waves and the zillion ton beach logs that can roll over and crush you. But do they listen? Noooooooooooo! It's like in every horror movie when somebody says, "don't go in the basement!" So we're kind of fatalistic about it all. We figure, at least it's taking them out of the gene pool, which over thousands of years may either lead to smarter tourists, or more likely, stupid tourists with gills, blubber, and arm-muscles the size of the Hulk's.)
So anyway, I'm looking forward to the piece and quiet that will take over our little town starting tomorrow. Maybe I can enjoy the sun and blue skies we have left.
A Word -- actually, lots of them -- from Mrs. Minion Master:
New in stores, a great new fantasy anthology with a new story by Mrs. Minion Master, Christina F. York. It's called "Enchantment Place," edited by Denise Little. It's 17 original stories about a magical shopping destination in Chicago where the really unusual people shop for items you can scarcely imagine. And no, we don't mean Hot Topic!
Find it now at your local bookseller, or order from Amazon.